How to Be a Terrible Bridesmaid

Are you sick of the taffeta dresses? Are you hoping to make the bride's life as difficult as possible? If you're looking to be a Bridesmaidzilla, here's how.

Instructions

Difficulty: Moderately Easy

Things You’ll Need:

• An overabundance of attitude
• Lots of narcissism
• Willingness to destroy a friendship permanently

1. Establish a powerful sense of entitlement. Repeat to yourself frequently, "I deserve this more than she does." Spend time obsessing about why the spotlight should be yours and not hers.
2. Procrastinate on any tasks you are given, or ignore them altogether. If you're supposed to take the bride to a fitting, be late. If you're supposed to bring deviled eggs to the shower, let it slip your mind.
3. Reject all bridesmaid attire choices made by the bride. Disparage whatever color or style of gown she chooses. Outright refuse to wear any shoes, necklaces, gloves, or other accessories that she requests.
4. Create conflict with at least one other bridesmaid. Fighting with the mother of the bride is effective as well.
5. Add to the bride's stress level as much as possible. Instead of trying to quell her nerves, make statements such as, "Oh my gosh, you're right! We're never going to get this all done!"
6. Increase the bride's insecurity about her appearance. Express concern that her dress won't fit because she's gained a few pounds and that her skin is so oily. Tell her to stop trying to compare herself to "those pretty brides."
7. Cause as much mayhem as possible during the procession. Arrive very late. Get into the wrong place in line, and act as stressed out as possible. Try to upset the flower girl before her walk down the aisle.
8. Frown in all the photos. Close your eyes whenever possible.
9. At the reception, get as drunk as possible. Flirt with the groom and the dates of the other bridesmaids.

Tips & Warnings

• For added affect, wear way too much makeup and no bra to the procession, and forget to shave.
• Be sure to purchase the cheapest gift on the registry, or give her a gift that's obviously been recycled.