How to Reform a Spoiled Child

It is not always easy to set up boundaries, limitations and responsibilities for our children. Often, it is easier to pacify their every need and give them everything they want. Commonly, parents strive to give their children more than what they may have had as a child and this can lead to spoiling the child. No parent wants to be the bad guy, so, the word “yes” becomes the staple part of the vocabulary while “no” sinks closer to invisibility. A child who is spoiled learns the fine art of manipulation, which carries on into the relationships they have as adults. However, all is not lost. There are ways to reform a spoiled child.

Difficulty: Moderate

Instructions

1. Sit the child down for an honest conversation. Be truthful with the child and let them know that you have made a mistake by allowing them to get their way in every situation. Tell them that there are going to be some changes made, because being spoiled is not a good way to be. Then, go over the new rule changes and consequences, making sure to be clear about every point.

2. Set up and enforce consistent limitations, boundaries and rules. However, there may be times where you will bend the rules a little, but let the child know that this is for special reasons and circumstances.

3. Create consequences that will fit the rules that are broken. This can consist of time-out, taking away a privilege and taking away a possession for a specific amount of time. Initially, the spoiled child will meet these new changes with resistance, but stays focused on the eventual outcome of reversing spoiled behavior and try to be patient.

4. Develop an incentive and reward system to acknowledge good behavior. Of course, verbal acknowledgment and praise should be utilized more often as opposed to material rewards, which should be reserved for special circumstances. However, until you can get the spoiled child’s behavior reversed, it may be necessary to use a “star chart” on which the child can monitor behavior progress by earning star stickers. Every 10 star stickers earned can be cashed in for a reward.

5. Teach the child the importance of sharing. This message also will teach that giving is equally as important as receiving. Parents can accomplish this by finding activities that will encourage the child to help others. Also, let them go shopping with you to pick out gifts for family and friends.

6. Mold the child’s work ethics. Simply begin by setting up chores the child can do around the house. Very young children can help fold clothes, and wipe off things, and as age builds, the child can take on harder chores. Ask the child to help you as often as possible, and try make up ways they can help you when doing chores.

7. Stick to your decision. When you have to say “no” to the child, do not allow temper tantrums and manipulative behavior to sway your decision. Be firm, be consistent, and do not let their behavior wear you down to the point that you negotiate or change your mind.

8. Allow the child to follow your good example. A parent is a positive role model, so, your behavior should be behavior that the child can learn from. Do not allow the child to view you as spoiled, materialistic and insensitive, because this will help pattern the child’s spoiled behavior as they will see your behavior as acceptable.

9. Be committed and patient. Remember, it did not take overnight to create a spoiled child, and it will not take overnight to reform the behavior of a spoiled child.

[Write2char]

on 12/18/2008 My children have been given almost everything they want. Not by me, but by their grandparents. I have tried over and over to discuss this with them, but I'm not a confrontational person. I personally have the problem of not sticking to punishments. So, I have spoiled children, and am grateful for your article on how I can help them with their spiraling emotions and put an end to the drama.

[JanCast2007]

on 3/22/2008 CrazyAce,
Well, sure that's the ideal way to parent. However, some parents start out on the wrong foot or they lose their footing in the role of parent. The articles we write here on eHow are to help individuals not pass judgment or condemn them for the mistakes they may indeed be making. But, I noticed that the comments you keep leaving on my articles are rude in nature and just to cause drama. Then, I go to your personal written articles for eHow and see that your same negative attitude has spilled over into what you seem to think is a quality eHow article. Focus on helping others, and not judging them.

[CrazyAce]

on 3/21/2008 Just don't spoil the child in the first place.