How to Survive a Long Distance Relationship

Without proper planning your long distance relationship could go south.

Through smart planning and communication, relationships can be healthy and fulfilling even if your partner is across the country. However, a long distance relationship must overcome several difficulties: It's hard to see each other often and doing so gets expensive after travel costs, as well as the time necessary for travel. More compromises must be made to avoid one person feeling slighted because of these travel obligations, and each time you spend time together it's like planning a mini-vacation. There's also uncertainty about each partner's actions when you're not together, making it harder to trust the other person.

Difficulty:

Moderate

Instructions

Things You'll Need

• Telephone
• Computer with Internet access
• Web cam
• Paper
• Envelopes
• Stamps

1. Create ground rules for your relationship, such as how often you'll visit each other, if your relationship is exclusive or you can also date other people and how often you'd like to communicate with each other.

2. Decide on an end goal for the relationship. A long-distance relationship can't stay long distance forever. Decide how you'll end the "long distance" part. If neither person is willing to relocate to be with the other, then the relationship will only ever be long distance. That's why it's valuable to decide on a plan for the relationship, such as, "In a year, I'll move to Tampa to be with you."

3. Alternate who visits whom. If you're always the one visiting your partner, your resentment may grow. Alternating is a way to keep this fair.

4. Make every visit count. Plan activities that are fun, and get plenty of alone time together. Make that weekend about the two of you.

5. Communicate regularly based on your rules for the relationship. However, avoid talking too much, as it might start to seem like a chore. Taking less often also means you'll have much more to talk about.

6. Trust the other person to the best of your ability. If you spend a lot of your time worried about your partner's behavior and start acting accusatory or jealous, you could create a problem where they wasn't one.

7. Pursue your own interests, too. A long-distance relationship doesn't mean you have to sit at home by yourself when your partner's out of town. Take a cooking class, make new friends or get involved in a charitable organization. Take up a musical instrument or spend more time with your parents and friends. Don't let the long distance relationship be the only focus of your life, or else you'll spend a lot of your time missing the other person.

Tips & Warnings

• Give the benefit of the doubt. It's easy to jump to the wrong conclusion when you're so far apart, but more often than not, there will be an innocent explanation.

• Be patient. If it's good, it's worth waiting for the time you can be together--and this time gives you a great opportunity to find out more about each other. If it's not, then it's not worth the fuss.

• Make sure you get on as well together in person as you do over the phone or by email. If you don't, make sure you're not kidding yourself about the long distance relationship.

References

• The Frisky; 7 Ways to Survive a Long Distance Relationship; Chelsea Kaplan; Sept. 3, 2010

Resources

• Loving From A Distance: Long Distance Relationships - Advice, Tips, Forum, Goodies and More
• Lovingyou.com: Long Distance Relationships