How to Be Elegant

We can easily stumble through life without considering how our lack of manners and sloppiness affect others. To be elegant is not to be snobbish, but rather to be polished, charitable and discreet. Making the effort to be elegant means caring about how our manners and appearance affect others.

Instructions

Mind Your Manners

1. Learn and apply modern rules of etiquette. If a special event is approaching, brush up on relevant manners and expectations. You'll feel more comfortable and so will others when you know how to behave at a wedding, funeral or other social event.

2. Practice the art of conversation. Create a list of intriguing topics that you'd feel comfortable talking about with others. Even if you know little about a subject, you can pose questions for others to respond to.

3. Overlook the mistakes of others instead of pointing them out. Even if you're asked for your opinion, be gentle because the other person is probably looking for acceptance rather than the brutal truth.

4. Speak quietly, using words appropriate for the situation and surroundings. Raucous laughter and loud conversations disturb people in many public places.

5. Listen quietly without interrupting. It's one of the most polished, discreet and charitable acts you can perform for anyone. We all want to be listened to with respect, and this one act will set you apart as someone who understands the nature of elegance.

Express Appreciation

1. Thank others for their elegance and thoughtfulness towards you. A short email or compliment costs nothing and is worth everything because everyone likes to be appreciated and noticed when they make an effort.

2. Live gracefully. This simply means slowing down, taking your hand off the car horn, practicing patience, waiting your turn and looking for opportunities to enjoy the moment. In stores and restaurants, thank the people who served you.

3. Bite your tongue when you're tempted to criticize others. You don't know what they may be struggling with, so give them the benefit of the doubt. Perhaps you've misunderstood the situation or their intentions.

4. Understand that you're setting an example even when you think no one's looking or listening. Appreciate the fact that you can inspire and encourage others by your choices and actions.

Tend to Your Appearance

1. Wear appropriate clothing, depending upon the event. Even the most expensive and elegant high heels don't belong on a fishing trip or picnic. Think about your daily and seasonal activities and buy the right clothing well ahead of time.

2. Start with the basics that you will wear everyday and buy solid colors. Prints tend to look dated by the end of the season. Ignore seasonal fads until you have bought the basics.

3. Buy well-made classic neutral shoes, trousers and skirts. A white long-sleeved shirt with a collar, one silk shirt in your favorite flattering color and a cashmere or fine-gauge cotton sweater will get you through many casual, business and dressy events. Add color with scarves and dressy and casual tee shirts.

4. Find a tailor to fit your clothes to your own particular shape. Consider customizing off-the-rack clothing by changing the buttons, hemline and sleeve length. Clothing that doesn't fit properly or that has an unflattering length will make you look and feel sloppy.

5. Maintain your clothing. Replace buttons and repair hems. Shine your shoes and replace heel caps regularly.

6. Minimize accessories. Two or three purses, a casual belt and a dressy belt, a light and a dark scarf and pearl earrings are the basics. Keep your purse lightly packed and well-organized because digging through your purse isn't elegant.

7. Walk tall. Your well-made clothes will look better, and you'll feel more alert and polished, if you sit, stand and walk with correct posture.

Tips & Warnings

• Avoid gossip. Elegant people avoid listening and contributing to gossip.

• Restrain your discussions about your personal finances, especially if you're poor or wealthy. You may appear to be asking for a handout or seem to be bragging.

• Don't even think about buying pre-ripped clothing.