How to Select a Good Stepmother

If you plan on remarrying following a divorce from your children's mother, it's important to select a good stepmother for your kids so they can build a healthy relationship with her. Follow these steps to look for the right characteristics in your children's future stepmother.

Instructions

Difficulty: Moderately Challenging

1. Select a stepmother who is open to satisfying your children's curiosity. If she's willing to answer questions about herself, this demonstrates that she cares about what your children think of her, and is doing a good job encouraging them to like her.
2. Look for a woman who is kind and patient around children. Pay careful attention to the way she relates to them over time and watch the way their relationship develops.
3. Choose someone who is flexible and understands that you need to balance your dual roles as her husband and the father to your kids.
4. Include your future wife in as many of the children's activities as they would like so she can become accustomed to the family structure. If your children see her actively engaged in their hobbies and sporting events, they will have an easier time accepting her.
5. Establish the role your future wife will play in the lives of your children. If the children's mother isn't involved in their lives, and their stepmother will be disciplining them, make certain your children know this and that they give her the respect she deserves.
6. Date the woman you plan on marrying for at least a year before marrying her. This will allow your children to get to know her gradually, so that when you do get married, the change in their lives won't be drastic.

Tips & Warnings

• If the woman you're considering marrying speaks badly about your children's mother in front of them, speak to her about this immediately. It can help the kids tremendously if their stepmother and their mother get along. It can hurt them deeply if they don't. If a prospective mate does badmouth your children's mother in front of them, consider whether shes right for you. It can be a huge red flag.
• Consider it a warning sign if you feel your children's future stepmother is competing with them for your attention. She may never accept the different roles she and they will play in your life.