How to Adjust to a New Stepmother

Introducing a stepmother into the family can be a difficult and complex issue. Children often develop a close relationship with their biological father and a stepmother can be seen as an intruder. The key is to take the adjustment slowly and keep the lines of communication open.

Instructions

Difficulty: Challenging

1. Introduce children to their soon-to-be stepmother before you get married. Allow them time to get to know each other.
2. Choose two or three household rules to change. This will help the stepmother adjust more than simply leaving everything the same. Too many changes will cause the children to rebel.
3. Talk directly to children about their loyalty issues. Kids will be confused and may feel ripped apart between their parents and stepmother. Be proactive and help relieve that stress.
4. Give children enough time to adjust to their stepmother on their own. There won't be an instant relationship. Everyone needs to get used to each other.
5. Know what the stepmother's role is in the family. She's an authority figure and should be treated as such.
6. Compartmentalize your time together. This means that everyone should spend one-on-one time together. Whether it's father/daughter, father/son, stepmother/stepdaughter or stepmother/stepson, it's important that everyone develop relationships with each other.
7. Pick activities that individual family members enjoy. Maybe a stepmother takes her stepson to the latest action movie. Or, she takes her new stepdaughter to get her hair done.