Difficulty: Moderately Challenging
Step1
Get to know your stepchildren before marrying their father. This can make the transition from "dad's girlfriend" to stepmother much easier. Don't attempt to take over the mother's role without consulting with the children's father first.
Step2
Remember that you are not equal to your stepchildren's father. Always communicate with him when it comes to punishments, rules and other aspects of the children's upbringing. Don't compete with your stepchildren for their father's attention.
Step3
Interact with your stepchildren. Show interest in their schoolwork, their friends, their hobbies and extracurricular activities. Be available for them. Become a part of their lives without forcing yourself on them.
Step4
Show respect for your stepchildren's real mother. Never talk badly about her in front of them. If she's alive, be friendly with her in front of the children.
Step5
Develop a relationship with your stepchildren based on who you are. Always be yourself. Establish your own place in their lives and develop your own special bond with them.
Step6
Prepare for the inevitable test of wills. Your stepchildren may push your boundaries. Become a good stepmother by showing them respect while at the same time requesting respect. It's not an easy feat. However, with patience you can see things can get better if you are persistent and consistent.
Step7
Don't force your stepchildren to call you "mom" if they are uncomfortable doing so. This just builds resentment. You can become a good stepmother without being addressed as "mom."
Step8
Build their trust. Have a patient and understanding ear when they need to talk, and if they ask something of you, such as keeping a secret, respect their wishes. Building trust goes a long way toward earning your stepchildren's love and respect.