How to Find Out if a Co-Worker is Gay

Perhaps you're getting mixed signals from a co-worker, and you can't tell if he's interested in you or not. Though it can be tempting to ask bluntly about his sexual orientation so you don't make a social faux pas, this can lead to an even more uncomfortable situation. Instead, ease into the topic.

Instructions

1. Gain her friendship, and she may tell you whether she's gay or straight. Of course, if all you want to know about her is her sexual orientation, becoming her friend may be tedious. However, if you're not interested in her friendship, there's no reason for you to know her sexual orientation.

2. Listen for clues in his ordinary conversation. He may talk about men he finds attractive or about his favorite gay bar. These, however, are only hints and don't give you a definitive answer. Straight men who aren't afraid of being labeled as gay may express appreciation for the way another man looks, and may frequent gay bars.

3. Share your own relationship history. Tell stories about your past partners, and invite her to share stories about past relationships, too. Listen to the names and pronouns to determine whether her past relationships were with women or men. Ask for clarification if names or pronouns are ambiguous. If she's comfortable with you, she'll probably tell you. If she is evasive, avoid the subject.

4. Ask him if he's gay once you're friends, as long as you know he won't be offended. Among friends who have no bias against those of another sexual orientation, a question like this won't be offensive. He may even think you already knew.

Tips & Warnings

• If your co-worker is clearly uncomfortable with any attempt to encourage her to talk about past relationships or personal matters, keep your friendship professional and wait for her to volunteer information about her orientation.

• Unless your workplace is untraditional or especially open, it's not the right place to talk to your co-workers about sexual orientation, even in the lunchroom or breakroom.

• If your co-worker isn't openly gay, respect his decision to keep this knowledge private.