How to Win on America's Next Top Model

So you think you're "fierce" and that you have what it takes to win on America's Next Top Model? Here's how!

Difficulty: Moderately Challenging

Instructions

1. Be at least 5 feet 7 inches tall (a requirement to enter the competition), and no more than a size 6.

2. Share a great sob story about how you overcame great obstacles. It can be just about anything: Asperger's Syndrome, macular degeneration, psoriasis, growing up in the hood, and so forth. This plays into Tyra's inner Oprah and earns you massive bonus points.

3. Start off strong, but not too strong, and show lots of improvement. The girls who start out too strong don't win because that would be boring TV.

4. Let them do whatever the heck they want to your hair during the makeover episode. No matter who kooky it looks, declare that you love your edgy new hair. If they want to fix your teeth, let them do that too.

5. Show personality. Do this exclusively by following the judges' instructions. If they want you to be more bubbly and less cocky, make it so. If they want you to be "edgier" or "less commercial," figure out what the heck they're talking about and obey.

6. Smile ecstatically at panel when Tyra announces the "fabulous prizes."

7. Let them know you want this so, so, so bad!

Tips & Warnings

• If you're a size 12 or above, you may be able to enter as the token "plus size model."
• Avoid becoming the "bitch" character on the show. She never wins, even if she's the best model. Just ask Melrose.
• Avoid having an unsavory past. This disrupts the already weak illusion that the winner of the show is a positive role models for girls. Strippers, Russian mail-order brides, or anyone else with a skeleton, is doomed.