How to Write Bad Fanfiction

Are you a fanatic of a show or movie? Do you like to write? Then fanfiction is for you. Fanfiction is where you write about your favorite shows, movies and characters. You put them in the worlds you want them in. Anyone can write fanfiction, but to write bad fanfiction takes some practice. Just follow these tips and your readers will be running everytime they see a new fanfic by you.

Instructions

Difficulty: Moderately Easy

Things You’ll Need:

• Computer
• Word program
• Internet Connection

1. Pick the fandom you wish to write about.
2. Watch all the episodes of the show in your fandom. Decide which characters you like and which ones you don't like.
3. Start writing. You can choose to continue an episode that you feel needed to continue or to alter an existing episode so that your favorite character is more central to the story. You can also create your own plot.
4. Write about places you've never seen or researched. The more inaccurate your details the better.
5. Add situations that you've never experienced and haven't researched. The more out of step with reality the better.
6. Throw out anything you've been taught about writing. Grammar/grammer (depending on your level of commitment to bad fiction) is irrelevant. So is correct spelling. Jump from first to third person randomly. Write only in dialogue. Use netspeak often.
7. Do not keep track of details. The more inconsistancies the better. Have someone's eye color change for no reason. Send someone for donuts only to have them come back two paragraphs later from a month long vacation.
8. Include at least two implausible erotic moments. Make sure all sexual activity is outside the realm of reality. Sex immediately after childbirth or an invasive surgical procedure is a great place to start.
9. End your story quickly by having your main characters tell everyone they've been secretly married for years and are expecting twins (at least twins). Then pair up the remaining characters and have them reveal they've known all along about the marriage between your main characters.
10. Post your story to the web.

Tips & Warnings

• For plots with an uneven number of characters you should either create a threesome or else pair someone up with a character from another show (or maybe even the toaster oven).
• Write a crossover between your show and another show. The more unlikely the crossover the better. Bonus points for including zombies and smurfette.
• Use an alternate universe. Put all your characters in high school in the same grade at the same age.
• Add author's comments in parathesis throughout your story in order to explain what you've just written (this is so people will get that you've just written something you don't think they'll understand)
• End every chapter with the following note: "ZOMG! I wrote this during (insert class here). I finished 20 chapters before the bell rang. I'm so going to fail my midterm.
• You could use this note instead: "I wrote 20 chapters today but I'm not posting the next one until I get feedback from at least 20 people.
• Never use a Beta.
• Never proof-read.
• Always answer negative feedback with a snarky comment.
• Do not attempt bad fanfiction if you cannot take the criticism.