How to Fart

OK: you’ve eaten a huge meal. Now you’re bloated. Gas is building up inside of you and it eventually has to escape somewhere. Read on for some helpful hints to make a good fart without embarrassing yourself in front of a whole bunch of people.

Instructions

Difficulty: Challenging

1. Using your mind and your rectum, time your farts so you don't end up doing anything in inappropriate places. If you do, cough immediately afterwards.
2. Excuse yourself and hurry to the bathroom especially if you feel a slight exiting of bodily fluids.
3. In the bathroom, you can make a loud “jackhammer” fart. Those don’t usually smell that bad. Any other loud or silent fart can stink up the whole place.
4. Stand in a single place and don’t move until the fart is over. Some farts can last for fifteen seconds.
5. Spray the room with an air freshener.

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