How to Destroy a Marriage

There are some devious steps you can take to ensure dissolving your marriage or any other relationship. Surely you didn’t click on this article because you need assistance in ruining a relationship. That’s never been difficult for anyone. Consider this an exposé on the kind of behavior that has led to a 50 percent divorce rate. Use this information to identify any dangers to your valued relationships, and make the necessary modifications. With all due respect for the proper objective this article shows you how to destroy a marriage.

Instructions

Difficulty: Easy

1. Stop listening to your spouse. You’ve heard all these stories before. You know what she thinks of the president and her mother’s differing opinion. You know how he hates landscapers blowing their grass clippings into the street. I’ll tell you what littering is, Pal, the fact that you have to mention it again!
2. Get selfish. You got involved in this relationship because of what it could do for you. Who cares what your mate wants? ?Yours is the important agenda. Why put up with any resistance? What do you think this is, a partnership of some kind? Your methods have always been absolutely correct and error free. Besides you always know what’s best. It’s my way or the highway.
3. Drink alcohol, lots of it, daily. Any favorite drug will do just as well. Substance abuse is the number one way to guarantee that you’re really not part of any relationship. It will make you do all the things necessary to destroy a marriage, without even trying.
4. Stop working, or at least slow down enough to hurt your income. Just be sure to have some snappy answers ready for questions like, "How am I going to buy shoes for the kids? That’s your cue to come back with something really humorous like, "I don’t know, honey. You’re the one who makes all the money. Why don’t you figure it out!"
5. Ignore your family. On those rare occasions when you are home, just act like no one else there. Their needs can’t possibly matter if yours aren’t being met. It’s certain they wouldn’t be any help to you. No one has ever found satisfaction and fulfillment in raising a family. Just think what you could have done if it weren’t for them.
6. Start dating someone else. Nothing says "I’m not satisfied with you," quite as plainly as warming up to another. Even if you’re not intimate, all you have to do is give the kind of attention you’re not giving your own partner, to someone else. That move is sure to stir up the kind of trouble you don’t need at home. Soon it will be no problem for you to walk out and never look back. Congratulations. Next you’ll pay lawyers and courts for the wonderfully exciting prospect of being alone.

Tips & Warnings

• To make the most of your relationship, should you decide not to destroy it, see "How to love your partner" on eHow.