How to Assess a Relationship

The starry-eyed courtship phase is history, the sex is waning and the hand-holding has been long gone. Yet you stay in the relationship because it’s the best thing going. Or is it? At a certain point it’s imperative to assess a relationship to see if you’re together because you want to be or because it’s easier than breaking up.

Instructions

Difficulty: Moderately Challenging

Things You’ll Need:

• Pen and paper
• Honesty
• Courage
• Quality discussion

1. Make a list of all the benefits versus the detriments you get from sticking with your beloved. If the benefits include true love and companionship versus the detriment of him leaving dirty socks on the floor, there is still hope. If the benefits are free rent and someone to walk the dog versus him belittling you in public, you may want to take a walk with that dog right out the door.
2. Spend some time apart. It’s difficult, if not impossible, to assess a relationship when the other person is a constant appendage. Try a night or even a weekend apart and see how you feel. If you are sad and lonely, ask if it’s because you miss that person or because you’re just used to a companion. If you’re happy, joyous and free, maybe stay that way with a clean break.
3. Talk. If you’ve been together any length of time, it’s not only polite but right to discuss the situation with your significant other. Ask if he’s been feeling the same way. Get him to write a similar list to yours and compare notes. Please note: this step will most likely make someone cry.
4. Sleep on it. Meditate on it. Even ask your trusted friends about it. Don’t make rash decisions based on one dirty sock in the middle of the living room. Ask your friends how you act, how he acts, when you guys are together. Perhaps they can see things you do not.

Tips & Warnings

• Follow your heart.
• If the relationship withstands the alone time and the lists, make another list devising ways to revamp your connection.
• Be honest. If your relationship is more annoying than fun, it may be time to move on.
• Being single can be fun.
• Being in a relationship can be fun. If it’s not, either find ways to fix it or throw it out the window.
• The longer the relationship, the harder a possible break will be.
• Don’t let guilt be your guide.
• Don’t let the housing situation be your guide. Yes, you can find a new apartment and yes, you can afford it without staying in a bad relationship.
• None of this will work unless you are completely honest with yourself.
• Don’t stay in a relationship just because Valentine’s Day is next week or some other inane reason that makes you think you’ll die if you’re alone.