How to Survive the Holidays with Difficult Relatives

Do you love the holidays but dread those seemingly unavoidable family gatherings or “encounters”? There is typically at least one relative, relative’s spouse or friend of the family that everyone dreads running into during the holidays. Well, hopefully the following tips and strategies may help you enjoy a stress-free holiday, regardless of who is there this year. Who knows--you may still have your sanity when it’s all said and done! Read on to learn more.

Instructions

Difficulty: Challenging

Things You’ll Need:

• Patience
• Understanding
• A good sense of humor
• A place to retreat to if things get too much, like a well stocked bathroom
• Spiked eggnog

1. Strategy 1: Plan ahead of time.
   
   Set your boundaries ahead of time. Decide exactly what conversations you are willing to have and know the ones you want to avoid. If a relative brings up a topic that you have decided you don’t want to discuss simply state plainly and calmly that you don’t wish to discuss it and if necessary walk away. Stick to your guns. Don’t allow your buttons to be pushed.
2. Strategy 2: Plan your response ahead of time so that you are less likely to react.
   
   If “that relative” does push your buttons don’t react immediately. Take a deep breath and think about what you “should” say and not what you “want” to say. Odds are, you are there because of other people you love and want to spend time with. Don’t ruin your time with them because you spoke in the heat of the moment.
3. Strategy 3: Plan activities.
   
   Plan activities that will keep everyone busy. If the gathering is held at someone else’s house, offer to bring activities such as games or old family videos. Try to find things that will keep everyone occupied.
4. Strategy 4: Set an arrival and exit time beforehand and make it known.
   
   Decide ahead of time exactly how long you want to stay (and how long you can tolerate the “relative” and still be civil) and make it known to the host beforehand. For example, if the gathering starts at 6:00pm and you know that “Uncle Frank” is likely to start rehashing details of your divorce or the details of your chubby childhood at say 8:00pm (after he has had one too many eggnogs), tell the host ahead of time that you are excited about coming but you will have to leave by 7:30pm to make another engagement commitment.
5. Strategy 5: Alternate Holidays with relatives.
   
   Start alternating holidays with different relatives. For example, if you spend time with one set of relatives on Thanksgiving then spend time with the other set on Christmas. Another suggestion might be to spend holidays this year with one set entirely and the next year spend them with the other set. This will make those dreaded “run-ins” a little further apart and at least give you a peaceful holiday in between.
6. The Final Strategy: Prepare yourself for conflict.
   
   Realize that you are there because you are family, not necessarily friends. No family is perfect. Accept ahead of time that there may be conflict and it may be easier to tolerate when it happens.

Tips & Warnings

• Pray about it.
• Remain civil no matter what happens.
• Journal your thoughts instead of voicing them.
• Retreat to a safe, quiet area if you need to.
• Stress can kill you. Do your best to avoid it.