How to Cope With Being the Sole Breadwinner

Until recently, when a couple decided that one of them would stay home with the children, it was assumed that person would be the mother. Because of women’s amazing strides in the workforce, however, it’s no longer a given that Dad is making more than Mom. And just as importantly, women derive as much satisfaction from their careers as men do. But with more men becoming stay-at-home dads, women are navigating a new role—sole breadwinner--and it’s not always easy.

Instructions

Difficulty: Moderately Challenging

1. Discuss your new roles in detail. You two may have very different expectations of each other, which can quickly lead to arguments during this stressful transition time.
2. Embrace your status as breadwinner. It’s natural to feel pressure when you’re the only one getting paid, but instead of letting it paralyze you with fear, use this experience to rev up your career. Ask about new projects you can take on or if you can interview for the position above your current one.
3. Experience the frustration. It’s not helpful to pretend any negative feelings you have don’t exist. If you have to tighten your belt financially to allow your husband to stay home, you may feel resentful at some point. When you do, remind yourself of what you’re gaining: a full-time parent for your children and the flexibility that comes from having one of you at home (no more missing work to wait on the cable guy).
4. Cut your husband some slack. If you’ve never been an at-home mom, you cannot comprehend how immensely difficult it is. When you come home at the end of the day to a sink full of dishes and filthy children, you undoubtedly wonder what your husband did all day while you were working. He was definitely working too.
5. Expect the potholes. There will probably come a time when either you or your partner will express dissatisfaction with the new arrangement. Don’t pull the plug just yet. Address the problem and discuss solutions that make both of you happy before you rearrange the household again.

Tips & Warnings

• Stay-at-home dads need outside interests as much as at-home moms do. Encourage him to continue the things he did when he was working, such as poker nights and ballgames with his pals. It gives him a chance to recharge his batteries while you get one-on-one time with the kids.
• Consider hiring help. Unless you have unusually cooperative children, he won’t be able to handle all of the housework, and you’ll want to catch up on family time during your off hours.
• Some men may experience signs of depression if they no longer bring home a paycheck. To help him realize how important his work is, jot down all of the jobs he does (cook, chauffeur, babysitter) and then add up how much it would cost to hire those jobs done. He’ll soon see that his work is invaluable.
• While you shouldn’t give up if your new arrangement starts out rocky, you also shouldn’t allow it to wreak havoc on your marriage and family. If everyone is miserable, try something else: switch roles or both of you go to work outside the home.

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