How to Be Classy at a Bat Mitzvah
A bar or bat mitzvah, the coming of age ritual for young Jews, is often taken very seriously by the family. That's not to say you can't have a good time. Being "classy" and putting in a good appearance at one of these events means knowing the history behind the tradition as well as being on your best behavior. Though a bar or bat mitzvah is celebratory, it's usually not a "party" in the wilder sense of the word. Think about the whole of Jewish culture and history when participating in one of these time-honored events.
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Don't get mixed up. While the 'bar mitzvah' is the coming of age event for a young Jewish boy, a 'bat mitzvah' is for a Jewish girl. Bar mitzvah celebrants are generally 13 years old, while the bat mitzvah (girls) are 12. The root of the names comes from "son" (bar) or "daughter" (bat) of the covenant (mitzvah).
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Know your Jewish family. While some sects of Judaism are fine with girls reading and teaching the Torah as part of their bat mitzvah, others create alternatives because of the orthodox aversion to women accessing Torah in those ways. Knowing which kind of Judaism the household adheres to will also help you select a gift.
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Bring an appropriate gift. Common gifts include books or media items about Jewish history or a famous Jewish person. Some also give money.
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Talk intelligently to the rabbi and others about Jewish history and tradition. An observant Jew who can converse about The Torah, Talmud or other historic issues is an asset to a bat mitzvah. Keep your conversation moderate and inclusive, not controversial or too intimate.
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Congratulate the young woman on her passage into the Jewish community. Recognizing this day of transition is part of being an involved celebrant. The bat mitzvah in some ways is not unlike a birthday, as it marks the "conversion" of a child into an adult. Again, nodding to the tradition involved adds cultural and religious power to the bat mitzvah event and support to the rich traditions of the Jewish people.
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