How to Open Up a Can of Whoopass

Opening up a can of whoopass is the proper response when wishing to fill in the following blank: "You talk smack about my mom one more time and I will …" But perhaps you aren't quite sure how to go about opening up the can. Follow these steps to be sure the person on the receiving end knows exactly what's coming when you proclaim "It's time to open up a can of whoopass!"

Instructions

Difficulty: Moderately Easy

1. Be quick and clever. Consider the following scenario: You are laying around with a dozen of your closest, unemployed X-Box fan club members. One of them pisses you off. You say "Hey Melvin, I got something for you." Now grab your can of Natty Lite, crack it open and say, "It's time for a can of whoopass".
2. Be strong and silent. Forget clever wit, sometimes your so ticked off, the only way to communicate your enemies pending doom is to look them in the eye and pound one fist into the other palm, slowly and rhythmically.
3. Be aggressive. Forget any communication at all. Just pound the snot out the dude. He should get the idea..
4. Be passive aggressive. Let's go back the X-Box scenario in Step 1. Instead of inflicting physical pain, attack your opponent on the big screen. Call his player a girl, throw in some vulgar adjectives and wipe him out.
5. Be clear. Indicate the level of ass whooping by altering the container in which the whoopass is being stored. For example, if someone has severely pissed you off, you may wish to bust open a keg of whoopass, whereas maybe you are only slightly ticked off, in which case you may open only an 8 oz. can of whoopass.

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