How to Discuss Sexual History with Your Partner

It’s easy to say, “Ooh! I don’t want to know about it!” However, honesty is one of the most vital factors in a relationship. You don’t need to divulge your “number” if you don’t want to, but here’s how to cover the necessary bases.

Instructions

Difficulty: Challenging

1. Discuss what kind of protection she prefers using and has used in the past. If there was a past a relationship where the birth-control pill was used, ask if she have been tested for STDs since then.
2. Offer to get a full S.T.D screening yourself “just to be safe” and ask your partner if they would like for you to make them an appointment. Make it easy for him; research where to get it done and the cost (if any) before having this dialogue. The easier it is for him to do it, the more likely he will be to cooperate.
3. Often a partner’s dating patterns can help you gage their sexual history. Questions such as, “What was your longest relationship?” “Have you ever cheated or been cheated on?” can also help you gage your risk factor. If your new partner had one monogamous relationship her whole life and it lasted seven years, you can put together the pieces pretty easily. If your partner has had many flings and nothing serious, you can also estimate her history.
4. However, don’t assume that a person who has had more sexual partners is a high risk and a partner with few sexual partners is low risk. It only takes one time to get infected with something. What’s important is how they have protected themselves in the past, not how choosy he was about partners. If he has only slept with two people and never used condoms, he is a higher-risk person than one who slept with ten and used a condom every time!
5. Don’t be judgmental, remember she is with YOU now and that’s what’s important. Ask questions to keep yourself safe from diseases not to start fights or judge morals.
6. Once you have had the discussion and STD tests have been done, there is no reason to bring up the past anymore. This conversation is done for health reasons only, not to throw in someone’s face when arguing. Let it go and move on to a happy, healthy, trusting relationship.