How to Be the Step-Dad They Need You To Be

Taking on the responsibility of someone else's children is no easy task. Family structures changes dramatically through death and divorce, and often at least one parent has the opportunity to move on and discover a new life with another partner. A blending of the family is needed for stability in the new household. Read on to learn more.

Instructions

Difficulty: Challenging

Things You’ll Need:

• Someone else's children.
• Plenty of patience.

1. It's important to realize you do not want to replace their father, but to be a male role model in their life. It's not about you changing, but rather changing how you do things. It begins with respect, understanding that you have come into their life without the benefits of the years past. While older children may reject your "intrusion" in their lives, it's important to ensure that they accord you the respect as an adult presence in their lives.
2. Casual moments are the basis for communication. Sometimes with the birth parent, sometimes without. Grocery runs, car repairs, carpooling to sports all allow an opportunity to chat. Privately allow for moments together, even if it's sharing a soda.
3. As you are new to their world, they are to yours. Take them along to social interactions that you enjoy, such as sporting events and recreation. At the same time, become involve in what's important to them. Volunteer at their Little League, join the P.T.A., attend their school functions. The more interaction you have in their life, the more accepting they will be of your involvement.
4. Treat them as your own. You choose to be involved with these children, whether by conscience or not. They came as part of the package deal with their parent. Guard their honor and integrity as you would your own child.
5. Photographs make a connection. Photographs make a connection. Keep photographs of you and the children where they can see it, but also in locations where only you can see it (place of employment). It's not about "who is that?" it's about a public display of a family commitment to the people who matter--you and the children.

Tips & Warnings

• New step parents often try to be the new friend to the child at a time when the child is resilient. Stay your course of action and be steadfast in a calming approach.
• The main obstacle to step parenting is "two tier" parenting, where the relationship between the parent and child allows one of them to avoid the step parent. Decisions made independently and without consultation, and to which the step parent is expected to abide by, will create a divide not only between the step parent and child, but also through the parents new relationship.