How to Talk to Your Spouse About Polyamory

Talk to Your Spouse About Polyamory

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When you love your spouse, you truly want to avoid hurting them. For some people, though, urges press you toward other close relationships, and denying the desire for them is quite difficult. You don't want to cheat on your spouse, but you do want the freedom to love others. This is polyamory, and if you think that there is a chance that your spouse may agree, then you should bring it up carefully.

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Instructions

Difficulty: Moderately Challenging

Step1

Let your spouse know that you want to bring up something serious to talk with them about.

Step2

Assure your spouse that you are not cheating and would not ever cheat on them.

Step3

Tell your spouse that you want to talk to them about "polyamory." You can share key information with them, like that polyamory differs from swinging in that it is not just about sex.

Step4

Explain that you feel the desire for extramarital relationships, not because your spouse leaves you unfulfilled but because you want to share your time and feelings with other people.

Step5

Let your spouse ask questions, and talk to them about their feelings on the subject.

Step6

Remind them that you are not cheating and would not do so and that if they are unwilling to give polyamory a try, you will drop the subject.

Step7

Follow through with your promises. Do not cheat. Drop the subject if the answer is "no."

Tips & Warnings

Be gentle. It can be very hard to understand that your spouse wants a lover.
Be prepared for the opposite reaction as well--your spouse may have been feeling the same way.
Do not allow outside relationships to interfere with your marriage.
Do not cheat. It is very possible that you will lose your spouse if you are dishonest.

Comments

BeautifulBea said

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on 12/8/2007 Thank you for the article - communication is VITAL.

Wildscribe said

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on 12/3/2007 Excellent addition, thank you for pointing that out - finding others who have gone through the same things can be very helpful.

amandaford said

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on 12/3/2007 I think it's important for partners to talk openly about their desires and define their relationship for themselves instead of blindly following the "rules" decided upon by society.

I especially like your point about not lying and going behind your partner's back to have an affair.

I think another tip for couples who want to build a "non-traditional" relationship of any sort is to find relationship role models. Looking to others who have relationships that you admire can help you define what will (and will not) work for your relationship.

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