How to Deal With a Newly Sober Spouse or Child

Addiction is often called a "family disease," as it affects not only the alcoholic or addict, but the entire family. When that person makes the decision to seek help and get sober, the whole family dynamic changes and often causes clashes in the home. It is important to be supportive to the newly sober family member and get help for yourself. You will have to deal with a lot of changes in the family, many of which will be surprisingly uncomfortable.

Instructions

Difficulty: Moderately Challenging

1. Read the chapters "To Wives" and "The Family Afterward" in the book "Alcoholics Anonymous." Even if your loved one is not an alcoholic, the advice applies to any family dealing with a recovering addict.
2. Seek out local Al-Anon meetings. The Al-Anon program is for family and friends of alcoholics and addicts and is meant to help you recover from the effects of someone else's drinking. Attend many different meetings to find the ones you like.
3. Keep your cool. Emotions tend to run high in newly recovering AA members as they struggle to find their place in the world again. You are going to have to adjust to giving up some of the control you were used to if it was your spouse. Try to avoid arguments for the first few months, and go easy on the guilt trips. Don't throw everything in their face the first day home.
4. Don't get jealous. You may be happy to have your husband or child back, but allow them time to go out and do their own thing. A lot of time will be spent at meetings, hanging out with friends in recovery and talking with their sponsor. You may hardly see them the first couple of months. This is a good thing. And it won't be forever.

Tips & Warnings

• Learn all you can about the disease and the part you play it.
• Fully participate in the Al-Anon program. Get a sponsor and work the steps. There are also joint AA/Al-Alon meetings for couples.
• Enlarge your spiritual life by attending church, reading and meeting other like-minded people. Church is not a requirement; one can be spiritual without being religious.
• Don't pamper your spouse or child. Do not try to baby them or protect them from the consequences of their past mistakes. They need to feel the effects of what they have done.
• Don't talk about your loved one's recovery to everyone. The second "A" in AA stands for anonymous. It is not up to you to tell the world your spouse or child is in recovery, even if you are proud of them.

Who Can Help: