How to Live With a Knitter
So you have successfully confirmed your suspicion that there is a knitter in the household. The question now arises is how to live with the affliction.
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Instructions
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1
Turn down the covers and check the bed before retiring at night. There is 75% chance than the knitter has lost one of their hooks and that you will find it stabbing you in the back during the night.
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2
Install sensor movement lights throughout the house. The cost of installing these lights far outweighs the price of medical treatment and bandages when you put your foot through a needle left on the carpet.
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3
Never let a knitter venture out alone. They are drawn to exquisite yarns at exorbitant prices. Always accompany the knitter to a knitting store. While the knitter may feel empowered over such action, they will reduce their spending given the proximity of the non-knitter.
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4
Do not move to a larger house. The increase in floor and cupboard space will only encourage the knitter to acquire more yarn on the pretense of "filling in the gaps."
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Tips & Warnings
Do not contemplate a move to a warmer climate. Knitters do not recognize any form of weather upon completing projects. A move to the subtropics will only result in you having to wear garments in humid conditions.
Putting any knitted garment into the washing machine entitles the knitter to inflict personal injury on the offender ... and anyone else who may be proximity.
