How to Stop Participating in Character Assassination

Stop Spreading Negative Talk!

Conflict between people is sometimes unavoidable; however, how do you handle the aftermath? Unfortunately, after a disagreement, some people keep the fight going by exaggerating the conflict and promoting one side of the situation to others. This is character assassination.

Character assassination is wrong. Luckily, if you have committed this act, you can stop your behavior. Here are some tips to get you started.

Instructions

1. Accept that you have been guilty of character assassination. Stick to the facts. No matter how much the other party might have hurt you, you are still accountable for your own actions. You are trying to clean up your act. The other party is responsible for his or her side of things.

2. Write privately about the situation. If you are in the habit of keeping a private journal, write about what happened, and how you handled it. If journaling is new to you, start out small, with some paper and a pen. Let out all of your feelings on the matter, regardless of how ridiculous or petty those feelings might seem.

3. Read what you have written. Ask yourself if you want to feel that way anymore. Would you want anyone to feel that way about you? If you are ready to let go of those feelings, some healing can begin.

4. 

   Make a list of every person you have broadcast your hurt and anger about the original situation. Do you sound like a broken record? Accept that it's time to stop. You cannot undo what you have already done, but you can make sure that your harsh words won't add to the problem. Make a promise to yourself to stop your behavior.

5. Rehearse a strategy to handle the topic (with outside parties) in case it comes up again. For example, if you are used to assassinating your brother-in-law's character to other family members, don't raise the topic yourself. If anyone asks you about your feelings on the matter, say something like, "You know, that's a painful situation, and I'd rather not talk about it right now." Most people will accept that.

6. As feelings about the subject arise within you, keep them confined to paper, or possibly one close advisor unrelated to the situation, such as a trusted, objective friend or therapist.

Tips & Warnings

• No matter how much someone hurt you, you are still responsible for how you handle yourself in the aftermath.

• Gossip can be a form of character assassination.

• Stopping character assassination doesn't cure the underlying problem of the original conflict.

• If you can't seem to get beyond the hurt, seek professional help.