Difficulty: Moderately Easy
Things You’ll Need:
- Holy Bible
- Smug Grin
- US Flag pin
- NRA membership
- Cowboy hat or pick up truck
Step1
Invoke the name of God anytime you want. Whether you're answering a question or telling a story you can praise God or thank him for your campaign. A good Conservative campaign never misses the opportunity to drop the G-bomb for a huge round of applause.
Step2
Preach about family values as the road to saving our country. Every good conservative knows that a winning campaign must mention family values as it relates to at least 80% of the important issues. It doesn't matter if you've been divorced multiple times as long as you stand for family values in the most vague sense of the word.
Step3
Quote the Constitution as much as possible. A good conservative campaign cannot pass up a chance to quote the words of our founding fathers. True conservatives remember back when things were good: women couldn't vote and they could still own slaves.
Step4
Play to the NRA. That's right, no conservative campaign is complete without an endorsement from the NRA. Guns don't kill people, but even if they do it's my constitutional right to have it. This should be your mantra throughout your conservative campaign.
Step5
Ban all things you disagree with. This is the final step to a winning conservative campaign. You have to be willing to put a ban (perhaps a constitutional ban) on all things with which you disagree, not limited to but including gays and abortion. God said no to these things and so should you.
Novice 
Comments
MeredithS said
on 3/18/2008 Hi Objection21
I have enjoyed reading many of your posts. In fact, your political stance and breakdown of various issues shows that you work hard to be clear to your audience. I wanted to post a nice comment to your position on the war on terror (aka the war on freedom), however after I read this smug anti-Republican piece I thought that maybe I would comment here instead. With all due respect I think Republicans are not all bad. I think that if you look at what has happened to our country in the last few decades, you can see that it is not a party issue but rather an ignorance issue. Here are the reasons 1) we have a shadow government with elite families controlling the future of America like it were on a puppet string (see what happended to Ross Perot when he tried to run for president 1992 & 1993). The second reason why there's no point in writing smug comments about any party member