How to be an "F Troop"er

Today's sitcoms more often than not are bland cookie cutter carbon copies of each other, i.e.; romantic entanglements of contemporary singles in the office/city. Once upon a time, though, shows like "F Troop" actually displayed wit and imagination and were downright hilarious.

Instructions

Difficulty: Easy

Things You’ll Need:

• an appreciation for the '65-'67 series "F Troop" (also featured in the '90's on Nick at Nite).

1. "And so it was planned he command... F Troop!" "A hero who sneezed, abruptly seized retreat and reversed it to victory". I never quite caught that part of the opening theme, and perhaps you didn't either - but in a nutshell, that's how Captain Wilton Parmenter (Ken Berry) was "awarded" captainship of Fort Courage with its resident misfits, the F Troop. Parmenter, in the waning days of the Civil War sent to run an errand, had a sneezing fit somehow misinterpreted as "Charge!" and the ensuing battle was won!
2. Fans know Sgt. Morgan O'Rourke (Forrest Tucker) really ran the show and kept peace with the neighboring Hekawi Indians by involving them in the assorted business schemes of O'Rourke Enterprises. The main Indian collaborators were Chief Wild Eagle (Frank DeKova) and heir apparent Crazy Cat (Don Diamond). Crazy Cat frequently overstepped his bounds and acted as chief, to Wild Eagle's chagrin.
   O'Rourke's second banana was the zany New Jerseyite Corporal Randolph Agarn (Larry Storch)- although Storch almost always stole the show. Agarn had relatives all over the world who looked just like him, including Mexican Agarnito, Russian Agarnoff and French Canadian Lucky Pierre Agarniere. In one episode, Agarn fantasized about post-army married life; relaxing and watching "a new game invented by Abner Doubleday called baseball" on a Viewmaster-type device. His shrewish wife rejoined, "I have a new game, too. It's called fix the pump!"
   Liutenant Dobbs (James Hampton) was a bugler who couldn't carry a tune and nearly blind Vanderbilt (Joe Brooks) manned the watchtower.
   Wrangler Jane (Melody Patterson) ran the general store and was forever trying to get hitched to Cap't. Parmenter. She rode, dressed and shot like a man, but there the resemblance ended for the blonde bombshell.
   A running gag had the fort's cannon fizzling instead of firing. Antsy Agarn would kicked it, causing the wheel would fall off and a misfire knocked down the guard tower, along with Vanderbilt.
   About those Indians (none of whom were played by native Americans)- the Hekawis were originally from Massachusetts. They got lost and ended up in Kansas near the site of the fort - wondering, "Where the heck ow we?" When anyone asked the tribe for directions, inevitable reference points were the rock that looks like a bear and the bear that looks like a rock.
3. As with the "Batman" series, guest stars seemed to relish appearances on "F Troop".
   Paul Lynde turned up masquerading as the Singing Mountie; charming Jane with his crooning rendition of "I Dream of Wrangler with the Light Yaller Hair" - until French Canadian trapper Agarniere tracked him down and exposed him as a fraud by exclaiming , "I accuse this TENOR of being the burglar from Banf-f-f!"
   Harvey Korman was Prussian officer Heinrich Von Zeppel, outfitted with spike-topped helmet and pet dachshund, who traveled by air leading Chief Wild Eagle to utter the memorable line, "It is balloon!"
   Bad luck followed Wrongo Starr (Henry Gibson) around like a puppy. One of two appearances had Wrongo's pet goat snacking on a supply of dynamite.
   Julie Newmar was Yellowbird, a white child who was kidnapped and raised by Indians. She had a thing for Cap't. Parmenter, much to Wrangler Jane's consternation.
   Don Rickles played to type as Bald Eagle, Wild Eagle's irascible son.
   O'Rourke, Agarn and Parmenter were convinced that a vampire (Vincent Price) came to town in one episode.
   Zsa Zsa Gabor played a gypsy. BE SURE TO SCROLL DOWN FOR "F TROOP" TRIVIA!

Tips & Warnings

• The first season of "F Troop" was filmed in black and white; the second (and last) in color.
• While ratings remained strong, Seven Arts bought out Warner Brothers and decided that for a 1/2 hour TV show it was taking up too much of the WB lot, canceling the series.
• A planned reunion show never materialized due to the death of Forrest Tucker. Cast and crew felt it just wouldn't be the same.
• The popular series lives on in reruns and on DVD/video.
• NEWS FLASH: Bobby Logan writer/producer of comedies such as "Repossessed" with Leslie Nielsen, is developing a new "F Troop" feature film.
• The then-new rock group Little Feat appeared as the Bedbugs - a before-its-time band that Agarn nearly quit the army to become manager of.
• Ken Berry also starred in "Mayberry RFD" and "Mama's Family".
• Larry Storch appeared as a guest star on "Get Smart", "I Dream of Jeannie", "Sabrina the Teenage Witch", etc.; and did many cartoon voiceovers such as Phineas J. Whoopee in "Tennessee Tuxedo".
• Forrest Tucker specialized in Westerns, but also showed up in a lot of horror/sci-fi, including the 1957 "Abominable Snowman of the Himilayas".
• Melody Patterson guest starred in shows including "Green Acres", "The Monkees" and "Adam 12".
• The zany, slapstick humor of "F Troop" is not for everyone --- but it is for me!