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Step 1
The first step to take is to accept that this type of person, often called a “destructive narcissistic parent,” doesn’t change. Give up any fantasy you have that your parent is going to see how what they do hurts you and will therefore feel bad and automatically change.
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Step 2
Emotionally insulate yourself by creating a “wall” between you and your destructive narcissistic parent. Don’t let what they do or say harm you. Let the parent’s negative comments bounce right off the brick wall you’ve created around yourself.
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Step 3
Refuse to emphathize with your destructive narcissistic parent. If she is having a bad day and wants your sympathy, don’t give it. Just ignore her and refuse to take on her emotions.
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Step 4
Put your emotional needs ahead of those of your parent. You can and should put your own needs first when dealing with this kind of parent, especially around the holidays when extra demands are placed on you.
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Step 5
Do the opposite of what your self-absorbed parent wants you to do. For example, if your parent wants you to pick up bread for a holiday dinner, don’t do it.
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Step 6
Most importantly, set boundaries. There have to be guidelines for this person to understand that you won’t cooperate with their wishes unless they respect whatever you request of them. For example, you can tell your mother you will hang up the phone if all she is going to do is call you and talk about herself the whole time.
