How to Prepare for Meeting Your Birth Mother for the First Time

If you are adopted and have found your birth mother (or she has found you), the next step is naturally that face-to-face meeting. Needless to say, this is a stressful, awkward encounter and different for everyone depending on the circumstances of the past. I suggest that you arrange the meeting as close to the date that you decide to meet as possible. That will eliminate dragging out the anticipation. For me, the time leading up to this meeting it was both frightening and exciting at the same time. I was adopted at five-months-old, and she was a complete stranger to me. I flew to Las Vegas to meet her, and the month leading up to the reunion was gut-wrenching. Remember, she is going through the same anxiety. Here are some tips on how to deal with the complexity of your emotions.

Difficulty: Challenging

Instructions

Things You'll Need:

• Pictures of different stages of your life and family

1. If your current family does not know about your correspondence with your birth mother by now, tell them. You must reassure your adopted parents that you are not deserting them. This meeting with your birth mother is very hard on them. They are feeling just as apprehensive as you are.

2. After you set a date to meet your birth mother, don't over think it. If you got as far as making the plans, then you have to stick to your guns and believe in your heart that you are doing the right thing.

3. Gather pictures of your family and different stages of your life. She'll be thrilled that you brought them, and props are a terrific conversation starter.

4. Keep your expectations at bay. Chances are you have been thinking about why your birth mother put you up for adoption in the first place for a very long time, and creating different scenarios in your mind. It's possible that you will be let down. Be prepared for that.

5. There are probably a million questions that you want answered. Go over them in your head, and don't be ashamed or scared to ask what you really want to know about your birth mother's life.

6. Consider bringing support. Carefully think over your choice before you invite someone along. A good choice may be your husband or longtime friend, someone that knows your past and can sympathize with your feelings. I know that my friend made meeting my birth mother a whole lot easier on me.

7. Keep in mind that your birth mother will have as many questions as you do, so be prepared to answer them honestly and sincerely.

8. If your birth mother has a family, think hard about if you want a future relationship with them. Ask yourself if this meeting is going to open a whole new door to your world, or if you just want it to be a one time thing. Good luck, and I can only hope that your reunion brings you answers, satisfaction, happiness and an ongoing relationship as mine did.

Tips & Warnings

• Be yourself.
• Don't bring a new acquaintance or boyfriend with you, this is a huge event in your life and should be shared with someone that is very close to you.
• Don't go into this meeting assuming anything.
• Work through any resentment that you may have before you meet your birth mother.

Resources

• Reasons to Find Biological Parents