How to Play Smart on Slots

So, you've noticed the sound of buzzers and people screaming because of a big win. You've seen the neon lights everywhere, and you think "well, its a slot machine, the odds are stacked against me." Well, you're mostly right. Playing smart can help turn a small profit most times you play.

Instructions

Difficulty: Moderate

Things You’ll Need:

• Bankroll - At least 2x what you feel comfortable playing, at least $500.
• Piece of paper and pen - Jot down and keep a running balance
• Willpower - You gotta know when to leave and why having a drink is a bad thing.

1. Pick your casino. Sometimes finding the locals' casino will be a better thing. Don't forget your ID in case you win a jackpot!
2. After arriving, get your bankroll in nice even bills. $20s, $50s, or $100s. Keep small bills for tips and buying various food and drink.
3. Pick your machine! Avoid any machine less than a quarter per credit. I'm not kidding about this step. Seriously. Penny and nickel machines are the machines that are tighter than a nervous virgin on prom night.
4. Start playing, just keep track of bills in and money out. Keep a tab going and remember that if you lose 25-50% of your bankroll in a hour, walk away. Go home and try again later.
5. So, now you're playing. Good. Here's the tricky part. If lets say you have $150 in the machine and hit for $500, CASH OUT, keep the ticket, jot this down in your balance sheet, and move on. Machines love money, and they especially love YOUR money. Machines are inhuman. Most times, your money will go up and down in a sine-wave kind of balance. You need to cash out at what you think the highest amount is.

Tips & Warnings

• Avoid progressive machines. Yeah, the prizes are huge, but the machines are tighter because of it. Try and stay away from these.
• Get a players' club card. Even if its just for the various perks and coupons, its worth it in the long run. Also, you might be able to get a win-loss statement at the end of the year to mitigate any big wins.
• If you decide to hit the nickel and penny machines, GO BIG OR GO HOME! A max bet on those machines will be comparable to most dollar machines.
• Pay attention to the announcements. It'll help gauge time and will let you know if people actually win there.
• Don't get drunk while playing. There's a reason why casinos serve alcohol.
• Pay attention to how machines get saved. No one wants to get beaten with a cane by someone's grandma.
• In most everywhere in the U.S., any jackpots over $1,199 get reported to the IRS. Any transactions over $10,000 also have to get reported. And the IRS wants their share.