How to Discipline Children Without Yelling

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By Kathleen Fuller
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Disciplining children is challenging. The temptation to yell at our kids is overwhelming at times, especially when we think they aren’t listening to us. However, this doesn’t have to be the case. Here are some ways you can discipline your child without ending up in a screaming match.

Difficulty: Moderately Challenging

Instructions

Things You'll Need:

Paper
Pencil or pen

Step 1

Decide what you want your child to learn. Disciplining really means "teaching." Figure out what you want your child to know, such as particular skills, character values and societal rules.
Step 2

Take into account age, temperament and personality. All children are different, even those in the same family. The discipline techniques you apply to one child may not work for her sibling.
Step 3

Create a discipline plan. Write down unacceptable behaviors and apply a consequence to each. Make the consequences appropriate for the crime. For example, don’t take away phone privileges from your child for a year if he forgets to take out the trash only once.
Step 4

Discuss the plan with your child, if she’s old enough to give you her input. Find out what she thinks is fair and unfair about the plan, and explain how and why you came up with those specific rules and consequences.
Step 5

Acknowledge good behavior. List appropriate behaviors and attach a reward to each one. Discuss this part of the discipline plan with your child too.
Step 6

Pick your battles. Don’t get upset over every little infraction. Learn to ignore some of your child’s misbehaviors and idiosyncrasies. Can’t stand it when her room is a mess? Instead of yelling at her to clean it up, shut her door instead.
Step 7

Keep communication open. Talk with your child about why he chose to break a rule, or why he won’t comply with your instructions. Brainstorm ways you can both compromise.
Step 8

Be flexible with your discipline. As your child grows up, you will need to make changes to the plan to reflect his age and circumstances. Again, discuss this with your child as you tweak the rewards and consequences.
Step 9

Make your plan unique. If you have more than one child, create an individual discipline plan for each sibling. Whether you have 3 children or 13, each plan should reflect his or her individuality.
Step 10

Forgive yourself if you mess up. We’re human, and we all yell at our children at some point in their lives. Don’t abandon all your hard work over one mistake. Vow to revisit your discipline plan, make adjustments if necessary, and try it again.
Step 11

Always respect your child. Even when you are disciplining him, make sure he knows you love and respect him. His behavior is unacceptable, not him.