How to Discipline Children

Children need discipline to learn how to function in the adult world.

Too often when someone says "discipline a child" that becomes synonymous with spanking. However, true discipline for children has to do with helping them learn to function properly in the adult world. Sometimes the teaching occurs through lessons and sometimes through correction or trial and error. In every instance discipline should be a form of teaching, even when punishment has to be meted.

Instructions

1. Identify what the child has done wrong by pointing it out to him quickly. Require the child to hear your whole message and not be distracted. Make clear in your communication what the acceptable behavior is, what rule was broken, and why it is wrong to break that rule. Make sure to talk clearly and be patient -- learning may require repeat communications.

2. Ask your child to repeat what you just said to him. Ask him if he understands why he is being disciplined. Give the child a warning for the first violation and monitor the child to see if he repeats the same behavior.

3. Repeat steps 1 and 2 if the child repeats his mistake. Ask him why he did the same thing again if he already knows it was wrong. Identify a toy or activity he currently likes to do the most. Make it clear to him he will temporarily lose that favored item or activity as punishment for his bad behavior. Monitor your child for a repeat offense.

4. Repeat steps 1, 2, and 3 if the child again acts wrongly. Increase the deprivation of favored things or privileges. Confine the child to a room or single location to create a loss of freedom (Reference 5). Communicate in such a way that the child understands the loss of freedom is directly associated with his wrongdoing.

Tips & Warnings

• Don't resort to spanking as the first discipline method. All this teaches a child is to be afraid of a parent. It doesn't necessarily make a connection to the wrongdoing. Deprivation or a toy and loss of freedom are mentally much more powerful on a small child as he has to think about the loss and what caused it.

• If you feel you are losing your temper and anger control, step away. Move to another room if you are home and take a big breath. If you are in a public place, control the situation and restrain the child but don't yell. Wait until you have calmed down and then make clear to the child what he has done wrong.

References

• Kids Health: Disciplining Your Child
• Keep Kids Healthy: Discipline Guide for Children
• "Oprah"; Some Good Ways to Discipline Children; Bill Cosby et al.; January 2006.
• "Huffington Post"; How to Discipline a Child; Maria Rodale; June 2010.
• Justia: Criminal Law - 3405. Parental Right to Punish a Child (see Related Issues)