How to Discuss an Unplanned Pregnancy With Spouse

Discovering you are pregnant when you haven't planned on it is unsettling, even when you're married. Though you and your spouse may have theoretically discussed this type of situation, when it's real it's very different. However, an unplanned pregnancy doesn't always have to be a bad thing, nor should you be fearful to discuss it with your spouse.

Instructions

Difficulty: Moderate

Things You’ll Need:

• Confirmation of pregnancy
• Quiet time alone with your spouse

Prepare to Tell Your Spouse of an Unplanned Pregnancy

1. Take a home pregnancy test, visit your doctor or a family clinic to confirm that you are, indeed, pregnant. A negative test gives you and your spouse the opportunity to have a conversation about more effective birth control methods as opposed to discussing an unplanned pregnancy.
2. Explore your own feelings about the unplanned pregnancy, so that you can have an honest and open discussion with your spouse. Making notes of what you want to say may make it easier to gather your own thoughts and to remember the important things you want to communicate.
3. Bring your notes, the lab results or pregnancy test with you. A visual representation of the positive result can serve as a confirmation for your spouse. After all, you've already seen it but he hasn't.
4. Arrange for you and your spouse to have some uninterrupted, quiet time together, preferably at home. This is a conversation that you should have privately when there are no constraints on your time.
5. Choose your time wisely. Sitting down to discuss a serious topic after a particularly stressful day at work, for example, isn't conducive to having a meaningful and productive conversation. Likewise, try to pick a time when there aren't any other significantly emotional events going on.
6. Allow for the fact that he may be pleased by an unplanned pregnancy. Unplanned doesn't necessarily mean unwanted. An unplanned pregnancy can often be an unexpected and pleasant surprise for a marriage.
7. Gather your thoughts, muster up your courage and very simply tell your spouse that you are pregnant.

Deal With Your Spouse's Reaction to an Unplanned Pregnancy

8. Acknowledge his surprise. You've probably suspected for at least a week or so that you are pregnant, while he may not have been privy to your concerns.
9. Respect his initial reaction. Though he may not react exactly as you had hoped, initial reactions are usually a reaction to surprise and shock and not always a predictor of his final thoughts on the subject.
10. Give him some time to process the information and indulge his need for silence, if necessary.
11. Discuss your thoughts with your spouse, if he's ready to listen, or ask him whether he needs some time before talking. Remember, you've had the advantage of being able to sort through your emotions already. He may need to do the same.

Tips & Warnings

• Despite the fact that his initial reaction is a gut reaction, make sure to tell your spouse if you are hurt or insulted by his reaction. He needs to know that his actions or words may have a lasting effect.