How to Stop an Ex From Turning a Child Against the Other Parent

Relationships with ex spouses or ex significant others can be very difficult when there are children involved. This holds especially true when the ex is immature or is holding grudges. Unfortunately the ex may attempt to use the child or children against the other parent.

Instructions

Difficulty: Moderately Challenging

1. Recognize the tactics that your ex is using to try and destroy or sabotage your relationship with the children. Wait until you are calm and attempt to discuss the situation with your ex to try and resolve the matter.
   
   During the discussion use "I" statements to address your feelings. For example "I feel hurt and sad with the recent events that have taken place as it relates to our children. I would like for us to raise our children to be respectful to both of us. This means that we should avoid saying negative things to the children about our relationship or about each other to the children."
2. If you and your ex are not on speaking terms or you feel that your ex is not mature enough to handle an adult conversation about the situation, try writing a letter or e-mail instead.
3. Involve a neutral third party or parties to help assist you with addressing the issue with the ex, such as a mutual friend who has the best interest of the children. This person should be someone that your ex respects or will take advice from, such as a Pastor or a friend who has expertise in child psychology or social services.
4. Talk with your children and let them know that you love them. Spend quality time with your children. Children will formulate their own opinion about their parents based on their actual interactions and experiences with their parents, and not based on what they are being told.
5. Join a support group and discuss the problem with other parents who are experiencing or have experienced the same type of situations.
6. Talk with a counselor or a professional child development expert or someone who has expertise on child and parent relationships. Get several written opinions from the experts and forward this information to your ex, so that he/she will understand how their negative tactics are affecting the child or children.

Tips & Warnings

• Be cordial, polite and remain calm at all times
• Remember to always keep the children's best interest in mind and not act out of emotion or hurt feelings
• Do not feed into the negativity by lashing out at the ex
• Be mindful of how you address the situation with the children. Do not bad mouth the other parent
• Do not try to address the situation with the ex or talk to the ex when you are upset and angry. Wait until you calm down.