How to Help Children Find Their Own Space

It seems that the farther on down the sibling line that a child is, the more difficulty they sometimes have learning to entertain themselves, while older, or firstborn children tend to be more naturally independent and capable of gainfully keeping themselves occupied. A place to be alone can be helpful in seeing that children achieve this spirit of being busily occupied without the need for someone to entertain them. But there are other reasons that a child might want or need a space to call his own and be alone. Children, just like adults, sometimes feel overwhelmed with busyness and noise and confusion, especially in a large household. They, too, need to seek quiet refuge and peaceful thoughts. Young minds need a place of inspiration where they can seek clarity and focus. While it may not be possible or necessarily even a healthy idea for every child to have a room of his own (because I’m not talking about isolationism), the need is universal for a small bit of privacy.

Instructions

Difficulty: Moderately Easy

Things You’ll Need:

• A brainstorming session where you can think of creative ways to provide a "space" for your child

1. Because of remodeling, my sixteen year old son had been forced to spend more than a year without a bedroom. He didn't complain, even though his bed was snuggled into the far corner of what was once a dining room, and his few belongings that weren’t in storage were relegated to a makeshift closet cubby beneath the stairs. But once he got his room I could even sense the peace that had stolen over him.
   
   Obviously, the first choice in having a space of their own would be for a bedroom that was theirs only. But if they are fortunate enough to have a room of their own, help them to make it a haven. This doesn't mean we, as parents should style it after our own vision, but after theirs.
   
   When my next son finally got his own room, he wanted it to be "camouflage". So, rather than debate the reasonableness of his decorating style, we gathered ferns and branches to use as templates, bought the appropriate paint colors, and "camouflaged" his bedroom.
   
   We also encouraged him to keep it clean (though we weren't Nazis about it), so that he could enjoy it more.
   
   In a room of their own, they, like adults, want to be surrounded by the things they treasure, whether it's books or music or strange-looking posters. Let them develop their space in a way that brings them comfort.
2. If having their own room is impossible, then Sometimes you can build a room within a room, turning the sleeping area of a bedroom into an
   enclosed cubby, curtained off from the rest of the room where your child can read or study without even realizing that there are siblings in the same room. Inside that cubby might be a bookshelf, a chalkboard, a box of favorite things to play with, or stationery, drawing paper, and journal. And maybe a little lamp for ambiance.
   
   I have a friend whose two children were forced to share a small room. Her and her husband's solution was to build a bunk in the middle of the room (the head of the bed against one wall) with the top bed only being accessible from one side, and the bottom bed only being accessible from the other. The opposing sides were walled off, and the foot end of the bed was walled as well, virtually dividing the one room into two small rooms.
3. If your kids are space deprived and unable to have a private room, some ideas to help might be the ever delightful fort or tree house, or some other outdoor place that is kid friendly. I have five children, and in our old home there is not a lot of space, or enough bedrooms. But, my children were fortunate enough to have an old bus half buried in grass out at our back pond. It’s been stripped out and turned into a sort of hangout with a canvas covered floor, chair, sofa, table and space to keep the sort of boyish treasures I won’t allow in the house.
   
   Any old outbuilding can be converted into a place of childhood dreams. As a 10 year old, I remember my aunt and uncle who lived just a 1/4 mile away allowing us children to convert an old chicken coop into a great playhouse. Hey, we cleaned it real good! We did the same to an old corn
   crib. When my aunt and uncle moved, we learned the art of building rain-proof tepees out of dead branches and pine boughs. These were the greatest forts to play in, and when I needed a quiet place to think and
   dream, I went there often.
4. A place of solitude doesn't have to be in a building at all! You could help your child find a great place that is their special or secret place such as the knob where a lofty oak grows surrounded by a grassy meadow. There, they can lay on your back and think about God up in His
   heaven and the treasure they might bury beneath their feet.
   
   Or you might help them locate a boulder beyond the barn that basks in the sun and warm breezes where they can sun themselves and watch the clouds shape-shift in the blue sky.
5. Privacy is especially important to adolescents and teens. You might even be able to help them by giving them alone time in a main room of the house. Is there any reason why Amanda can't have a quiet corner of the living room for one evening to finish reading her novel? Could you give Jess a pot of tea at the kitchen table without interruption while she finishes another journal entry?
6. There are plenty of ways to provide quiet space for your children. The key is to remember that they need it sometimes as badly as you do, and out of respect for that, do a little brainstorming on ways you can nurture their tranquility by giving them a space of their own.

Tips & Warnings

• Make sure your children's space is age appropriate.
• Make sure that they are happy and comfortable in their space, but not entirely unsupervised for long periods. Teens too.