How to Use Proper Casino Etiquette

Just because you may be a pro at PlayStation 3 poker doesn’t mean you can hold your own on a real casino floor. The instant growth of Atlantic City and Las Vegas solidified the notion that hipsters 18-34 were ready sleeker and sexier dice joints. And boy, they came with tons of dough.

And then there’s Chris Moneymaker who became a gambling rock star a few years back after he learned how to play poker online and ultimately won the World Series of Poker. He may be a swell guy and all but man, the influx of all the would-be Moneymakers invading casinos is astounding and yes, fraught with rude people.

Television is also accountable with such casino-driven programming from poker tournies, reality and travel shows to fluffy network dramas on 24/7. They all emphasize swanky casino overindulgences to the point of wretched excess. To them, the promise of winning a fortune with all the booze, food and sex one can muster is pretty much a mere dice toss away.

Stand out from the crowds of people who behave poorly in a casino with these few tips.

Difficulty: Moderate

Instructions

1. Leave the cameraphone in your pocket. It’s one thing if you’re Clooney and Co. shooting yet another Danny Ocean flick, it’s quite another when annoying gamblers start snapping away to capture their third blackjack in a row. Most casinos prohibit photographic equipment of any kind on the floor, so leave the shutterbug activity off the floor.

2. Keep your kids away. Even though they’re allowed on gaming floors in Las Vegas, children are nothing more than a nuisance in a casino. In fact, the New Jersey Casino Control Commission prohibits kids on any casino floor. At Borgata in Atlantic City, N.J., tykes can’t even go into the resort unless they’re hotel guests. At the Taj Mahal (also in Atlantic CIty), a strict curfew is enforced since loitering kids waiting for ma and pa has become something of an epidemic.

3. People have their own problems. Your car payment is due. You’re on the verge of a divorce. Your ex-girlfriend just started dating someone with green hair. Your mom is going to the hospital for tests. Life can be cruel, for sure. Before you sit down to play, clear your mind of problems because you have one goal at the table. So, let your inner Adrian remind you — "Win."

4. Ask before you sit. We know how frustrating it can be when searching for an empty seat at a low-wager game. For example, it’s near 2 a.m. and the only vacant seat at a five-dollar-minimum blackjack table is next to a Hell’s Angel. Check the betting circle in front of the empty chair. If it has a chip in it, chances are he’s playing duel hands. Respectfully see if the circle is open before sitting down.

5. Stop waving money and be patient. Wait for the end of a round or spin before you bug the dealer to buy in. A good way to agitate a tired dealer who’s been standing on his feet all day is to demand chips as soon as you approach a table. Wait for the end of the turn, have your money visibly ready on the table and tell him you want to "buy in" in whatever denomination you desire. Never hand him money.

6. Tip when you’re winning. When you’re up, tip the dealer. Believe me, he’ll remember. It doesn’t have to be an exorbitant amount of money, but a mere gesture or token for his service. After all, the dealers are in the service industry much like a waitress or a bartender. If you feel uncomfortable tipping, place a small side bet and let him know it’s for the table. If a generous pit boss recognizes your good will, he just might return the favor when you request that complimentary steak dinner.

Tips & Warnings

• Go easy on the booze. Ask yourself why drinks are free before ordering another round of that double Johnny Walker Black. A fuzzy gambler is a bad gambler. A bad gambler — 100 percent of the time — will make poor judgments and wager more to recoup his losses. Ease up on the snake juice. Any more than one or two and you should be in the casino lounge.
• Channel Danny Ocean. If you really want to be taken seriously, lose the baseball cap which, by the way should only be worn in two places — the ball field and mowing the lawn. Otherwise, show some dignity and put on a pair of black pants and dare I say, even a jacket. You’d be surprised how empowering it is. Trust me, women will notice.
• Never bet against a trend. Red is your lucky color? Not if the trend at the roulette table is all black. Betting against a trend will only piss off the other gamblers and tick off the gambling gods. And heaven forbid if you win against a table streak, you’ll have to make tracks over to the next casino.
• Don’t get caught up in the scene. And man, do casino jerks ever love the scene by announcing their arrival and departure. Sure, the free booze is great and the atmosphere is straight out of a Bond flick, but casinos know the racket — there’s no windows or clocks in there for a reason. Casinos want you trapped.