How to Work Step Nine in AA
Step nine in AA is the last of the "action" or "housecleaning" steps. Going to people from the past and asking for forgiveness can be frightening, but working a good AA program and completing the first eight steps prepares you for the courage step nine requires, as you begin to make amends.
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Instructions
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1
Be sure you have a sponsor who has worked the step before you and agrees that you are ready to take this step.
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2
Read Chapter 6 in the book "Alcoholics Anonymous" -- also known as "The Big Book" -- paying special attention to the pages pertaining to step nine.
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3
Review your list. Most of the preparation for step nine was already done when you and your sponsor went through the previous step: You made your list, and you decided with your sponsor who you need to approach to offer to make direct amends, which are the preferred method. You also know about living amends at this point, and which people on the list require this type of amends.
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Go through the list, starting with the people who are the easiest to find. If you haven't spoken with the person for a long time, get contact information using the phone book or the Internet.
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Contact each person. Tell them that you need to speak to them with their permission, and ask if you can set up a time. You can tell them that you are in AA, trying to clean up your life and working step nine, but you don't have to.
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6
Meet each person who agrees to meet with you, sincerely apologizing for what you have done and asking what you can do to make it right. Make every effort to right a wrong if the request is reasonable. You can do the same thing over the phone, but only if the person is not willing to meet or is too far away.
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Make living amends, when appropriate, for people with whom you should not have any contact. This means that you live your life in a manner the exact opposite of what you've done. For example, if you have stolen, you become giving and generous. Many believe this is the best form of making amends and initiates the most change.
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Tips & Warnings
Do not try to force getting in contact with the person. Just make a reasonable effort and be ready to make amends when the opportunity arises.
Always ask your sponsor for instructions on working a step. There is not one "right" way to complete the steps. The important thing is that you make an effort.
You do not have to finish this step before going on to the next. The next three steps are "maintenance" steps and are essential to long-term sobriety.
