How to avoid marrying an idiot!

You have heard the words "love is blind". A lot of times when we enter a relationship we do this thing which is called blinding ourselves. You know..when we forgive our partner for the same crime for the hundredth time! Then we like to pretend everything is perfect again. Meanwhile what we need to be doing is really getting to know the person we are with and making sure we keep a healthy balance in the connections of our growing relationship. First you need to develop a deeper understanding of yourself.

Instructions

Difficulty: Moderately Challenging

Things You’ll Need:

• Explore these areas of the other person:
• Family background and their childhood
• Attitudes / actions
• Compatibility
• Their past relationships
• Skills for maintaining relationships
• Realize there is always room for self personal change.

1. First and foremost realize that the ingredients to self personal change are: Insight, new information, deliberate effort, and time.
   What style do you tend to use in a conflict? What style do you want out of your partner? The strongest predictor of whether a marriage will last or break up will have to do with the compromises/conflict resolution. (Remember 5 positive things for every one negative thing that happens is pretty good.)
2. Get to know the person you are with. Ben Franklin said " Open your eyes before marriage and keep them half open after ". Follow your heart, don't lose your head. Trust your mental picture of someone. Remember infatuation typically lasts 2 to 6 months. Oh and by the way ... the sex hormone Oxytocin makes no flaws...it makes us stupid.
3. Prioritize your attractions. What is more important to you? What would be your top ten? Independence, sensitive, good looking, athletic, good listener, clean and neat, rich, artistic, logical, romantic, high energy, respectful, creative, polite, outgoing, carefree, popular, drug free, genuine, caring, talkative, on time, fun, organized, has style, emotional, ethical?
4. Ask yourself how you feel when you are with this person. Do you feel:
   Misunderstood, put down, hesitant to say how you really feel, happy, safe, completely loved, appreciated?
5. Explore your compatibility potential. (Areas:) Intelligence, emotional styles, openness, humor, chemistry, family values, spiritual maturity, financial, work, interests, and recreation.
6. As you come to know this person better, you begin to build trust and reliance and as a result you begin to depend on them to meet certain needs in positive ways. This is how your trust picture is altered. Keep your eyes open instead. Ask yourself: Does this person do any of these things: Keep promises, secrets, protect, apologize, be nice, be sincere, empathize, listen, recognize their own mistakes,control their anger, display honesty, put peole down, take advantage of others, put up a phony front, look helpless intentionally, blame others, run from problems, use drugs/alcohol regularly?
7. Evaluate the level of committment. The "belonging to the relationship". Are you just friends....dating, or a couple that may be engaged.
   Ask yourself: Does he or she show loyalty to others?
   Does he or she resist temptations.. (Does he or she avoid potential problems?) Do they keep a social balance with others? Does that other person want you regardless of any dislikes? Do you feel the same? Does your partner expect you to improve your troubles? Is your partner just afraid of leaving? Are you? Does your partner give selfessly to others?
8. I know no one wants to hear this but STUDIES HAVE SHOWN that those who are more sexually active in dating relationships are more prone to overlook problem areas in their partner. (That which can greatly enhance and enrich a marital relationship can greatly delude and deceive a premarital relationship.)
9. There are several questions to ask yourself in the premarital process, however, here are just 'a few thousand'.
   Do you listen to me?
   Do I feel validated by you when I talk to you about my ideas?
   How defensive are you?
   Are you good at reconciling?
   What are your moods like?
   How does your sense of humor fit in with mine?
   Are you type A or type B personality?
   What is your sex drive like?
   How comfortable are you with your body?
   What kind of parent would you like to be?
   How much do you like to talk?
   How do you show me respect?
   How do you react to authority figures?
   What do you do for fun?
   What makes you feel guilty?
   How do you handle finances?
   How close to your family are you?
   You need to ask about spirituality ...etc.
   Also, above all, make sure you get your ducks in a row before you try to match your ducks with someone elses.

Tips & Warnings

• M aturity
• A daptability
• R elationship skills
• R esponsible
• I nner confidence
• A nger management
• G racious, share
• E motionally stable
• Measure a thousand times............but cut only once.