How to Understand Stalkers (Part 1)

Like a tiger on the prowl, a stalker never gives up until his prey is either his, or in many cases, dead. Probably the most insidious of the sexual crimes is that of stalking, the never-ending control, manipulation, and pursuit of the intended victim. In general, it is such a heinous crime that the stalker rarely ends his pursuit until either he or the victim is dead. Suffice it to say, virtually any unwanted contact between a stalker and his victim that directly or indirectly communicates a threat or places the victim in fear can generally be referred to as stalking. Best estimates indicate that as many as 1 of every 12 American women (8.2 million) and 1 of every 45 American men (2 million) has been stalked at some point in their lives. Also, 78 percent of stalking victims are female, whereas 87 percent of stalkers are male.

Difficulty: Challenging

Instructions

1. There are two types of stalkers, and both females and males can be victims or perpetrators. However, most stalkers are men, and male stalkers are generally more violent.

2. Love obsession stalkers. This category is characterized by stalkers who seem to develop a love obsession or fixation on another person with whom they have no personal relationship. The target may be only a casual acquaintance or even a complete stranger. This category represents about 20 to 25 percent of all stalking cases. The vast majority of love obsession stalkers seem to suffer from a mental disorder, often schizophrenia or paranoia. Regardless of the specific disorder, nearly all display some delusional thought patterns and behaviors. Since most are unable to develop normal personal relationships through more conventional and socially acceptable means, they retreat to a life of fantasy relationships with persons they hardly know.

3. Love obsession stalkers not only attempt to live out their fantasies, but appear to expect their victims to play their assigned roles as well. They seem to believe they can make the object of their affection love them. They desperately want to establish a positive personal relationship with their victim. When the victim refuses to follow the script or doesn't respond as the stalker hopes, they may attempt to force the victim to comply by use of threats and intimidation. When threats and intimidation fail, some stalkers turn to violence. Some decide that if they cannot be a positive part of their victim's life, they will be part of their life in a negative way, sometimes even going so far as to murder their victims in a twisted attempt to romantically link themselves to their victim forever.

4. Simple obsession stalker. This second category represents 70 to 80 percent of all stalking cases and is distinguished by the fact that some previous personal or romantic relationship existed between the stalker and the victim before the stalking behavior began. Virtually all domestic violence cases involving stalking fall under this umbrella, as do casual dating relationships. The self-esteem of simple obsession stalkers often is tied closely to their relationship with their partner. In many cases, such stalkers bolster their own self-esteem by dominating and intimidating their mates. Since the victim literally becomes the stalker's primary source of self-esteem, his greatest fear becomes the loss of this person. The stalker's own self-worth is so closely tied to the victim that when he is deprived of that person, he may feel that his own life is without worth. This is what makes simple obsession stalkers so dangerous. In the most extreme cases, these stalkers will stop at nothing to regain their "lost possession" (their partner) and in so doing, regain their lost self-esteem.

5. If you are attempting to break off a relationship with a simple obsession stalker, he will desperately connive ways to get the relationship re-started. If you resist him or don't cooperate, he may use force or intimidation. If threats and intimidation fail, he may turn to violence. The stalker's thoughts often progress from, "If I can just prove to you how much I love you!" to "I can make you love me!" to, "If I can't have you, nobody else will!" This progression in a stalker's thinking is common, however we cannot as yet predict a stalker's behavior. Some stalkers may threaten and intimidate at any point. Every situation is different and there is no one way to respond to a stalker's behavior that will prevent an escalation of violence.
   (For more information on this subject, see Part 2.)

Tips & Warnings

• Call the National Women's Resource Center 1-877-986-9472 (toll-free).

Resources

• National Violence Against Women Center

[sokrystalclear]

on 3/4/2009 I am a stalker and I need to leave them alone, I love them too much too hurt them and I believe I can cope. Its just going to have to be developed in to my personality right? Its going to take a while... schizophrenia runs in my family.. this scares me so very badly because I follow through with the love obcession. I know them from my past... and we never were together but I lost my virginity to him and have slept with him several times after that...its been 4 yrs of this and he would leave his gf aswell... so I feel like a victim and a predator... Im so confused emotionally.

[lilly0808]

on 2/1/2008 I was in a relationship with someone a little under three months. He acted out one night drunk and within a few weeks of him stalking me I jumped in the car and drove about 1000 miles out. So, im quite far away, he obviously had a low self esteem. I cant get my new address off the internet. I think he found me again. What do I do? What are the chances of this guy comeing up here? I have called the non emergency police and I cant "prove" its him sending the threatening emails and all the junk mail. What do I do? anyone know?