How to Address Unmet Emotional Needs After Child Abuse

Abused children have many emotional needs that go unmet. Their abusers shatter the hope of meeting basic needs, such as the need to trust, to feel safe or to feel worthy of love. For abused children living in very abusive households, numerous emotional needs go unmet. These children grow into emotionally crippled adults who carry the emptiness of unmet emotional needs inside of themselves. Unmet emotional needs do not just go away when you become an adult. They leave a hollow feeling inside and drive the child abuse survivor to try to fill the void in unhealthy ways. Many child abuse survivors fear that these needs can never be met, but full healing from child abuse is possible. Here is how to address unmet emotional needs after child abuse.

Instructions

Difficulty: Moderately Challenging

1. Identify which needs have gone unmet. For most abuse survivors, this list includes the need for safety, love, trust, acceptance and boundaries. Depending upon the length and severity of the abuse, many more needs might have gone unmet. Every child needs at least one person in his life to communicate that he is precious for who he is and that he does not need to earn love. Few abused children have this need met.
2. Focus on meeting one need at a time. Start with the need that is causing the most trouble in your life. For example, if you have trouble sleeping because you feel unsafe at night, focus on meeting the need for safety before moving on to meeting other needs.
3. Take action to meet the unmet need. If you feel unsafe in your bedroom at night, do things that make you feel safer, such as sleeping with a dog in your room or locking your bedroom door. If you have trouble setting boundaries, practice saying no until you start to feel like you have more control over your life.
4. Find ways to meet needs that do not require action by another person. For example, many abuse survivors feel abandoned by those they love. When they choose to focus on meeting the need to feel loved, they can wind up reinforcing the unmet emotional need as friends let them down. Instead, find alternative ways to meet those needs. A good way to meet the need to feel loved is to love yourself. Learning how to meditate is also a powerful way to meet your own needs because you are connecting with a power stronger than yourself that provides an endless source of love.
5. Celebrate your victories. Instead of focusing on all of the work you have left to do, take time to celebrate after you address an unmet emotional need.
6. Repeat these steps for each unmet need.

Tips & Warnings

• Be patient with your progress. It takes a long time to work through addressing all of your unmet emotional needs. Think of your progress as healing a very deep burn. The healing will take place in layers.
• Finding a qualified therapist with experience in counseling people with your abuse history is an important part of healing from child abuse. Your therapist can provide you with additional tools for addressing unmet emotional needs.