How to Reduce Your Monthly Expenses (Humorous)

Increasing costs combined with day-to-day life is difficult enough; dealing with the stress of budgeting monthly expenses to fit within the "average" income is without doubt, mentally exhausting. Once in a while we need to simply sit back, take a deep breath, and find a way to laugh at it all! With this in mind, I've written this "humorous" version of: How to Reduce Your Monthly Expenses.

Instructions

Difficulty: Moderately Easy

Things You’ll Need:

• Sense of Humor

1. Air Conditioning: Turn A/C off . . . . . a little warm in states such as Florida (particularly in the summer), but it will save big $$ on electric.
2. Baths: Reduce to once a week; unless it rains (don't forget to take your soap and stay out of sight from streets). Don't worry about the odor - - if everyone in the house cuts back, no one will notice your odor over their own.
3. Telephone: Two cans and a longggggg string.
4. Gas (auto): Start walking. If it's over 10 miles, take a wagon with you to carry purchases. If it's over 20 miles - take your wagon AND carry a backpack and sleeping bag. . . . you'll be home tomorrow.
5. Groceries: Actually EAT the leftovers!
6. Internet: Go back to dial up service - - - it's slowwwww and takes a little doing with the two cans and string . . . . but, think of the money you'll save!
7. Bank fees: Close your bank account and wear a money belt. None of us have enough $$ these days to worry about it getting "over-full", anyway.
8. Electric: Use candles; fat, scented candles work the best; they're less likely to tip over and the scent masks odors caused by no one taking baths.
9. Medical Expenses: Self diagnose; guaranteed to make you a hypochondriac within 6 months.
10. TV: Plug into the neighbors service at night; record everything; watch during the day. Okay - - - maybe we'll have to skip this one - - - - it's slightly short of legal; but then again, they MIGHT not mind . . . . . . :-)
11. Smoking: Quit smoking, or - - - if you're not squeamish, check for butts in the ash cans around large stores (malls, grocery stores, etc.). Shucks - - - if you're a smoker, you'll save big $$$ on this one!
12. Rent and/or Mortgage payments: Pitch a tent in a relatives yard.
13. I saved the BEST for last!!!!
    
    Find a wealthy relative (not necessarily your own), who's willing to support you in the style to which you would like to be accustomed!!!!

Tips & Warnings

• The act of smiling requires usage of fewer facial muscles than frowning.
• Laughing can be contagious!