Step1
Baby is hungry. Try to feed baby.
No? Proceed to number 2. (if baby feels hot to the touch...jump to number 11. Baby has a fever)
Step2
Baby is cold. Wrap baby up, burrito style.
No? Proceed to number 3.
Step3
Baby is sleepy. Rock baby for a few minutes.
No? Proceed to number 4.
Step4
Baby has gas...a very common cause of mysterious, frenzied crying. Give simethicone drops (gas drops).
Wait a 15 minutes or so.
No? Proceed to number 5.
Step5
Baby is bored from staring up at the ceiling too long, or just from going stir crazy. Entertain baby - maybe take baby outside...sing a little song, do a little dance, make funny faces...this is the comic part you see in the movies. Try all that stuff for maybe five minutes. No? Proceed to number 6.
Step6
Baby is hungry but didn't realize it the first time. Sometimes baby is so furious and in pain from hunger that baby didn't realize it was being offered food the first time. Take baby someplace quiet and try feeding again. Make sure baby knows there's food there.
No? Proceed to number 7.
Step7
Baby is uncomfortable. Check baby for ill fitting clothes, something painful. Change diaper. Check for bug bites. Listen for loud noises (other than the baby) that might be disturbing baby. No? Proceed to number 8.
Step8
Baby could be teething. Teething HURTS. Check mouth and apply gum gel if necessary (yes, this stuff does work).
Note: wait until you get further down the flowchart to use any pain medication.
No? Proceed to number 9.
Step9
Baby is throwing a generalized tantrum, has built up a good head of steam, and is pretty much crying because its crying. If you're into pacifiers, try one. Try going "SHHHHHH" in baby's ear while holding baby tight. If you're near a lot of noise, take baby somewhere quiet. Rock baby. Sing to baby. Do something soothing for 10 minutes and see if baby calms down.
Still not working? See number 10.
Step10
CHECK YOURSELF. Baby has been crying for some time now and it may be starting to grind on you, especially if you're exhausted. Are you feeling angry and stressed? Are you about to yell at baby? Are you about to go insane? This won't help. If possible, pass baby off to partner while you get the heck out of the room. If passing baby off is not possible...put baby someplace safe, leave the room, and close the door for a moment and compose yourself. There there. There there.
Here's the plan. You've gone through all the routine stuff and it didn't work. Now you simply need to make sure the baby isn't in need of medical attention. If baby IS NOT in need of medical attention, and you have reached the end of your rope, there's really nothing wrong with letting baby cry it out in a safe place while you try to get some sleep or have some tea. Seriously. It's okay to do that.
Proceed to number 11.
Step11
Baby could be sick. Take baby's temp. Is it over 100.4 degrees Fahrenheit ( 38 degrees Celsius)? Then this is the problem. If it's WAY over 100.4, like104 or so, probably best to see a doctor. Otherwise, give baby some acetaminophen or baby ibuprofen and maybe give baby a cool bath to take down the temperature (remember, NEVER use baby aspirin).
If this is not the problem, see number 12.
Step12
If baby does not have a fever, the final option is that baby is in serious pain. Here you have to use your own judgement. If you suspect baby is in pain, try giving baby some acetaminophen or baby ibuprofen if you have not already(remember, NEVER use baby aspirin). If this helps, then you may have figured it out, and can proceed to wonder (while you climb into bed) what might have been causing baby to be in pain.
Step13
Still crying?
...This is sorta your call. If baby is not in need of medical attention, it's okay to put baby in a safe place and let baby cry it out while you try to get some sleep. Or you can begin the flow-chart again, or call a doctor.
Enthusiast 
Comments
ejustian said
on 4/11/2008 Aye, it's original. From what I've learned and read, babies generally develop separation anxiety between 6 to 8 months. I suspect the best course of action would be to First try soothing baby with gentle rocking, maybe try holding baby facing outward so baby can see the world (my kids prefer this). If this doesn't work after about 5 minutes and baby is still screaming like an air raid siren, I'd move to a different strategy...distracting or confusing the baby: dancing with baby, singing an animated song to baby, making funny goofy unexpected sounds at baby (But never SHAKE the baby...that's life threatening mojo...bad bad bad). Distracting or surprising baby might dislodge baby from his or her crying jag long enough to calm baby down. If this is successful...once baby looks sufficiently befuddled and is no longer crying, then move back to comforting baby.
If baby is hungry, there's n
monalisamyheart said
on 4/10/2008 Nice article. Sounds like you put a lot of thought into it, is it original? Okay so here's a question..I babysit children for a fitness center. The babies are only there for 1 or 2 hours. I'm allowed to call parents after 10 min of crying, but that makes me feel like I'm robbing the parents of precious relaxation time. They usually cry because of seperation anxiety or hunger, which only the moms can fix. So how should I handle this (besides calling the parents)?