How to Accept Your Parent Coming Out of the Closet

There are millions of parents who happen to be gay, bisexual, or transgender. If they are lucky, these parents had the opportunity to come out early in life, and to have children either through adoption or a surrogate. Unfortunately, there are also millions of gay individuals who stayed in the closet until they actually fell into a straight marriage, at which point they produced children. When and if these parents finally do come out, it can be a trying time for everybody. A wise and sympathetic approach to this development, however, can actually make the family stronger.

Difficulty: Moderate

Instructions

1. Understand that your mother or father never wanted to be in the closet. They were most likely stuck there due to both social prejudice, and a sincere desire for self-preservation. If they were born anytime before 1970, your parents came of age in a world where homosexuality was still considered a mental illness. Realize that the secret of their sexual orientation or identity, revealed at the wrong time, could actually have gotten them shunned, or even killed.

2. Know that coming out of the closet can be one of the most terrifying things a person can ever do, because that person is risking everything they've ever known to be true to who they truly are.

3. Recognize that your parent is the same person they have always been: but now, they're just more honest. They have been gay, lesbian, bisexual or transgender their whole life. Similarly, you were raised all of your life, or at least brought into this world, by a GLBT parent.

4. Read about the legions of other children whose parents have either come out late in life, or perhaps always have been out. Good resources include Families Like Mine: Children of Gay Parents Tell It Like It Is; Out of the Ordinary: Essays on Growing Up with Gay, Lesbian, and Transgender Parents; and Love Makes a Family: Portraits of Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual and Transgender Parents and Their Families.

5. If you are still uncomfortable with what a GLBT parent means for you or your family, consider attending a meeting of a local PFLAG chapter (Parents and Friends of Lesbians and Gays). Conversely, if you are comfortable and content as the child of a gay, lesbian, bisexual or transgender person, consider joining COLAGE (Children of Lesbians and Gays Everywhere).

6. If you have a good relationship with your parents, enjoy them all the more now that a massive weight has been lifted off their shoulders. If you never enjoyed much intimacy with your family before, consider seeing them in a new light, or giving them a second chance.