How to Live With a College Roommate of the Opposite Gender

Times are changing, and it’s not unusual anymore for college students to live with friends of the opposite gender. But if you’re about to share an apartment or house with a roommate of the opposite gender, there are some things you can do to cut down on the tension.

Instructions

Difficulty: Moderately Easy

Things You’ll Need:

• A notebook to make chore and rule lists

1. Decide before you move in together who will do what chores. Because certain household chores have traditionally “belonged” to one gender or the other, it’s unfair to assume that the man will take out the garbage and the woman will vacuum just because you’re living together. Remember that you’re going to be roommates, not a 1950s husband and wife.
2. Make rules for private space. There are certain things that men and women do in privacy that they don’t feel comfortable sharing with a person of the opposite gender. Establish rules about closed doors and bedrooms so neither of you feels uncomfortable or invaded.
3. Figure out what you’re both comfortable with in terms of bringing dates home. This is true for any roommate situation, but dating in this scenario has potential for a different kind of discomfort.
4. Include each other in traditionally gender-based activities. Since you’ll be roommates, it’s not fair to not invite each other to the Super Bowl party or the baby shower happening in your own living room. If one of you needs quality time with the boys or girls, take it outside the apartment.
5. There’s a lot of good advice out there about how to be a good college roommate, regardless of gender. Standard roommate advice applies to you, too!

Tips & Warnings

• If you have a roommate disagreement that seems like it might be based on gender roles, use a third party to mediate. For example, if one of you resents being the roommate who always buys dinner or does all the grocery shopping, that’s when another person might help you see things more clearly.
• This should go without saying, but if you weren’t dating when you moved in together, you probably shouldn’t start after you sign the lease. It’s an awkward way to start a relationship, and it could result in financial hardship should you break up and one of you move out.