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Step 1
Study the classics. Films by John Ford, John Huston and Billy Wilder are great places to start. Better yet, just search the Internet for their names and watch a few clips of their work. Be sure to name drop them at every opportunity.
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Step 2
Take a college class in film appreciation. Attending it isn't necessary; just saying you went to one is more than enough.
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Step 3
Purchase DVD copies of painfully obscure foreign films on difficult subjects. Scatter them strategically around your living room, and then act surprised when guests call attention to them.
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Step 4
Cultivate the brooding manner of a true cinephile. Throw out all colorful clothes, and develop an all-black (or at the least charcoal gray) wardrobe. And turtlenecks. Plenty of turtlenecks.
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Step 5
Speak in a slightly nasal voice, as though fighting off a stuffy nose. Never get too emotional, for a film snob always remains distant from that which he critiques.
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Step 6
Watch movies. Note elements (real or imagined) deserving criticism. Later, amaze your friends with your insights. In detail.
