How to Hold a Marital Meeting

Communication can make, or break, a marriage or other relationship and yet communication is often an afterthought -- something we assume will just take care of itself naturally. After all, we talk to each other every day, right? Not exactly. Life gets busy, and day-to-day conversation often consists of checking schedules and comparing to-do lists. Setting aside an hour a week to talk, and to listen, can work wonders in keeping a marriage healthy and happy. Here's one approach that works for us.

Instructions

Difficulty: Moderate

Things You’ll Need:

• Time
• A notebook
• A prayer, a poem, or any recitation that you're comfortable speaking together.

1. Agree to a time and day when you will meet for an hour each week. Stick to your schedule, but don't be maniacs about it. If you have to reschedule, aim for no more than a day later. Don't skip a week until your meetings are a comfortable habit.
2. Open your meeting with your prayer, poem or recitation. It starts you off in the spirit of doing something together. The Serenity Prayer works well for us. (God, grant us the serenity to accept the things we cannot change, the courage to change the things we can, and the wisdom to know the difference.)
3. Using your notebook, set an agenda for the meeting. Each person gets to add topics for discussion on that day.
4. Work through your agenda, one item at a time. Keep informal "minutes" of your meeting, jotting down notes about any actions you plan to take, or how you plan to address any issues that come up.
   An example: If you find that life has gotten so busy that you don't spend the time together that you once did, add as a topic, "Time together."
   Discuss the issue. Listen to each other. Then, without assigning blame, decide how you can work together. For example, "Reserve Saturday nights as 'date nights.'"
5. Use your notes to begin setting the agenda for your next meeting. Using the example from Step 4, it would be a good idea to include "Time together" as a topic for the next meeting -- it will give you a chance to check your progress.
6. When the hour is over, end the meeting. Letting meetings drag on and on will only make you reluctant to hold them. You don't have to cover every topic that you listed on your agenda, but be sure to address at least one topic brought up by each person.
7. End the meeting with a prayer, poem or recitation. It can be the same one you used to open the meeting -- the Serenity Prayer works for us as a closer, also. Having a formal opening and closing is a good reminder that this is something that you are doing together.
8. Take a little time for the meeting after the meeting. Have a cup of coffee together. Take the dog for a walk. Make love. You'll soon find that you look forward to this special hour together ... and to the time you spend together afterward.

Tips & Warnings

• Let your notebook become your marriage/relationship journal. After a few months of meetings, take a look back. You'll be surprised at how many things that seemed important at the time have faded from memory.
• During the week, save things that are hard to talk about (money's a pretty good example) for your weekly meeting.
• Like any good habit, it's easy to let this one slip away -- especially at first. Once you agree on a time, stick to your schedule!