How to Not Get Eaten by a Bear.

No one wants to end up as Bear crap. Follow these steps and you can avoid such a horrible fate.

Instructions

Difficulty: Moderately Easy

1. The absolute surest way to NOT end up as Bear poop is to never cross pathes with one. When walking in the wilderness be sure to make lots of noise. Shouting, singing, whistling, whatever ... make noise. Bears don't usually go looking for trouble and they're smart enough to know that noisey human equals trouble.
   If you're camping in Bear infested areas, get a Bear Container for your food. Double wrap everything. Be sure to cook all your meals and hang your garbage well AWAY from your camp site. Bears have better noses that Dogs. Don't give them a scratch and sniff map to your sleeping bag.
2. Let's say that you do confront a Bear. DO NOT RUN! Bears can run down Deer ... you wouldn't stand a friggin' chance. Try to CALMLY walk away. Raise your arms above your head, make yourself look bigger. Bears realize that bigger prey will fight harder and they could get hurt. No one, not even Bears, wants to get hurt.
   Bears are curious too. If you confront one they may stand to get a better look at the fleshy little food ball standing in front of them. Don't freak out. He may just want a look. Again, do your best to remain calm and try to walk away.
   Bear Mace is handy, but only use this as an absoulte last resort. Angry Bears can get pissy and pissy Bears will kill you.
3. If it does decide to try and eat you ... DO NOT FIGHT BACK. This will further piss it off. Instead fall to the ground and play dead. Curl up and cover your head, neck, and face. You're gonna take some bad shots. Silent praying never hurts while the Bear batters you around. If you have the Bear Mace, now would be a good time to use it.
   The deal with playing dead is that Bears want the most out of a meal. If they think you're dead they'll usually leave your body, and the area, for a bit to let your carcass fill up with maggots and other insects. They'll come back later and eat you. This will offer them the most protein from their kill.
   Play dead and don't be there when it comes back.
4. So to sum up:
   Be loud.
   Be prepared.
   Be calm.
   And if all else fails, play dead.
   
   Check with Forest Rangers and/or the proper Authorities about Bear activity before camping.