How to Find Your Ideal Partner

Finding the ideal partner is sometimes a lifelong quest. Sometimes it happens when you're not looking, and sometimes you just don't know what exactly you are looking for. But is there really an "ideal partner" based on the argument that "ideal" does not exist in the real world? The answer is, it depends on what you want, will be happy with, tolerate and accept. Here are some basic considerations that will guide you in finding a good relationship and hopefully even an ideal partner.

Difficulty: Moderately Easy

Instructions

Things You'll Need:

• Time together in various activities
• Candor and forthrightness
• Respect

Look for Common Interests and Preferences

1. Talk about your likes, dislikes, hobbies and passions. What did you enjoy while you were growing up? What foods, activities, types of friends, destinations and toys did you spend much of your attention on? How about in the last few years? Now?

2. Express your fears and phobias. Is there anything you cannot be made to do, even to save your life? The point is to know and understand each other's levels of tolerance on day-to-day things. It's better to know these now than be surprised much later on in the relationship that there are things you absolutely can't live with.

3. Share your plans, dreams, ambitions and goals in life. Your life plans may not be identical but having similar goals makes the relationship run much more smoothly.

Thresh Out Values and Beliefs

4. Lay down your guiding principles in life. This will have to touch on your values, beliefs and morals. See if you have conflicting beliefs and what you can do to reconcile the differences.

5. Reveal your ideologies. Touch on how dedicated you are to your respective religions, as well as how strictly you adhere to your religious and cultural philosophies and practices. This will give both of you an idea of what ethnic, cultural or family rites, rituals and customs will be observed and respected in your life together.

6. Disclose your strongest affinities. How devoted are you to your respective political parties, alma mater, brother/sisterhoods, clubs and community organizations? Also, family ties can be very strong in some cultures, so the extent of commitment to your partner's relatives should be clear from the start.

Compare Attitudes and Perspectives

7. Explore various activities together to see how you react to certain incidents. This way you will be able to gauge each other's levels of optimism, patience, sense of humor, adventurousness, etc.

8. Perform ordinary, everyday tasks together to know more about each other's ways of handling and coping with the daily routines that come with a long-term relationship.

9. Talk about feelings, emotions, reactions and opinions about everything. The more you know about each other, the easier it is to discover how compatible you are.

Tips & Warnings

• The trick is to spend a lot of time together to find out more about what your prospective life partner is really made of.
• You may need to compromise on a few pet peeves, or at least accept some minor incompatibilities.
• Celebrate the things you have in common, and spend time enjoying them together.
• Be honest with what you share with your partner in the discovery process. Faking will only lead to misconceptions, which is a ticking bomb in any relationship.
• Finding the ideal partner, or soul mate, will not be easy. Be ready for dead ends, nosedives and crashes. But be optimistic that the one you're looking for is out there, most likely also looking for you.

Resources

• The Relationship Gym
• Finding Your Ideal Partner with Feng Shui

[RubyBayan]

on 12/20/2007 You're right, Barry. People don't have to be identical, nor exact opposites, to be a match. It's finding out our similarities and differences and knowing whether we can live with them or not. Like you said, love and acceptance is the bottom line. Thanks for dropping by!

[BarryWaite]

on 12/16/2007 Excellent article. I have found by understanding personalities, you can better understand others. What I find fascinating is that opposite personalities types more so than not, get married. In my personality classes I ask that question, its not 100%, but more in the range of 70 percent or so. So the key is not necessarily if we are the "same" but how much we can embrace personality diversity and accept/love people for who they are. I like your article because you have people questioning the key aspects of personality so people are aware when they go into the relationship. What I'm finding in people who divorce is one or both could not accept the personality of the other (except when abuse is involved...don't care what personality you are but some things are not acceptable). Long post but I really like your thoughts on this subject.