Look for Common Interests and Preferences
Step1
Talk about your likes, dislikes, hobbies and passions. What did you enjoy while you were growing up? What foods, activities, types of friends, destinations and toys did you spend much of your attention on? How about in the last few years? Now?
Step2
Express your fears and phobias. Is there anything you cannot be made to do, even to save your life? The point is to know and understand each other's levels of tolerance on day-to-day things. It's better to know these now than be surprised much later on in the relationship that there are things you absolutely can't live with.
Step3
Share your plans, dreams, ambitions and goals in life. Your life plans may not be identical but having similar goals makes the relationship run much more smoothly.
Thresh Out Values and Beliefs
Step1
Lay down your guiding principles in life. This will have to touch on your values, beliefs and morals. See if you have conflicting beliefs and what you can do to reconcile the differences.
Step2
Reveal your ideologies. Touch on how dedicated you are to your respective religions, as well as how strictly you adhere to your religious and cultural philosophies and practices. This will give both of you an idea of what ethnic, cultural or family rites, rituals and customs will be observed and respected in your life together.
Step3
Disclose your strongest affinities. How devoted are you to your respective political parties, alma mater, brother/sisterhoods, clubs and community organizations? Also, family ties can be very strong in some cultures, so the extent of commitment to your partner's relatives should be clear from the start.
Compare Attitudes and Perspectives
Step1
Explore various activities together to see how you react to certain incidents. This way you will be able to gauge each other's levels of optimism, patience, sense of humor, adventurousness, etc.
Step2
Perform ordinary, everyday tasks together to know more about each other's ways of handling and coping with the daily routines that come with a long-term relationship.
Step3
Talk about feelings, emotions, reactions and opinions about everything. The more you know about each other, the easier it is to discover how compatible you are.
Comments
RubyBayan said
on 12/20/2007 You're right, Barry. People don't have to be identical, nor exact opposites, to be a match. It's finding out our similarities and differences and knowing whether we can live with them or not. Like you said, love and acceptance is the bottom line. Thanks for dropping by!
BarryWaite said
on 12/16/2007 Excellent article. I have found by understanding personalities, you can better understand others. What I find fascinating is that opposite personalities types more so than not, get married. In my personality classes I ask that question, its not 100%, but more in the range of 70 percent or so. So the key is not necessarily if we are the "same" but how much we can embrace personality diversity and accept/love people for who they are. I like your article because you have people questioning the key aspects of personality so people are aware when they go into the relationship. What I'm finding in people who divorce is one or both could not accept the personality of the other (except when abuse is involved...don't care what personality you are but some things are not acceptable). Long post but I really like your thoughts on this subject.