How to Marry a Feminist

Many feminist women are skeptical of marriage as a traditionalist institution that has helped to subjugate women throughout time. However, being in love with a feminist of either gender doesn't mean that you're doomed to relationship limbo. If you're seriously considering marrying a feminist follow these steps to help the process along.

Difficulty: Moderately Challenging

Instructions

1. Understand the background and history of feminism. Even more important than this, though, is the need to understand what kind of feminist your potential spouse is. From militant feminism, which is a more difficult situation to tackle, to the more moderate European schools of feminism, you need to know what you're dealing with before you shoot for marriage.

2. Engage in debate. Just because you want to marry a feminist doesn't mean you need to take up the mantle of feminism. In fact, many feminists will appreciate an ongoing intellectual dialog that revolves around the ideas and issues of feminism. Make sure to keep the argument open and honest as this will help lead you closer to the emotional issues that play a big part in getting to marriage.

3. Make a plan. In many cases, feminists might want to resist marriage because of the prepackaged gender roles that it includes. Swerve away from this problem by developing your own plan for your married future with your partner. Discuss how all aspects of the household will be shared and that you are not against taking on unconventional responsibilities and roles.

4. Use feminist ideas in the marriage. Things like agreeing that your spouse-to-be will keep their original last name, assenting to giving children hyphenated names and finding a ceremony and wedding celebration that meets your ideas and your feminist partner's ideas about marriage will help you both get to a point where you can marry. Do your best to integrate the feminist ideas but also maintain your own beliefs in the process.

[buggers]

on 9/29/2009 ...'s about our own lives.

Damn, that's a small character limit. Sorry if the entirety of my first comment is hiding behind a cut somewhere; I looked but couldn't find one. :)

[buggers]

on 9/29/2009 Then there are labels which refer to specific views, like sex-positive feminism, and radical feminism. Even these labels can be a problem, since different people define the labels differently. Instead of trying to fit her into your premade feminist category checklist, it would be much better to actually listen to what she says and think about whether you're comfortable with *her* specific brand of feminism.

Secondly, keep in mind that while some feminists are willing to marry unfeminist men, many are not. Dealing with sexism in the outside world is tiresome, and many of us don't want to have to deal with it when we come home to our romantic partners. It hurts enough when the sexism is dished out by strangers; having it dished out by the men we love can be devastating. Whether or not it's intentional is irrelevant to that pain. Feminism is not just a political movement for women; it...

[buggers]

on 9/29/2009 This is mostly a good article, but there are a couple of serious issues with it.

First of all, there is no such thing as "militant feminism". Feminism has probably some of the least-violent roots of the social justice movements. There were a few trashcan bombings about a hundred years ago but since then the movement has not advocated violence. I don't know any feminists who describe themselves as 'militant' except when mocking anti-feminist views of feminists. "Moderate European schools of feminism" is not only not a category of feminism, but also sounds pretty shady from an anti-racism standpoint (most modern feminists recognize the need for intersectionality). If you insist on categorizing different kinds of feminists, there are 2 kinds of descriptors used. There's first/second/third wave, which describe viewpoints in terms of popular feminists principles during a particular time ...