How to Avoid Being Accused of Date Rape

Over three quarters of all rapes are committed by someone the victim knows, often by someone they're dating or are in another close relationship with. To avoid being accused of date rape yourself, you need to educate yourself fully about what constitutes rape.

Difficulty: Moderately Easy

Instructions

1. Understand the definition of rape, which is sexual contact that a person doesn't consent to. Rape isn't limited to penetration, but includes any form of sexual contact. Additionally, even if someone gives consent verbally, if she isn't able to give consent legally—because of age, because her reasoning is impaired by drugs or alcohol, or because she feels forced to consent—it's still rape.

2. Take responsibility for your own sexuality. You're in control of your own sexuality and sexual expression. No matter how much you feel like having sex with someone while you're on a date, restrain yourself unless she's also interested. Just because she's interested in a date doesn't mean she's interested in sex, even if she's flirtatious with you.

3. Discuss the potential of sex with your partner if things seem to be moving in that direction. Having a frank discussion allows both of you to share your desires for the relationship and gives you a chance to discuss protection when you're not carried away by the emotion of the moment.

4. Engage in sex only if you and your partner haven't used alcohol or other substances. Even a couple of drinks can make someone unable to give his consent to sex because his judgment may be impaired. Likewise, if you have a couple of drinks, you may miss cues that he isn't interested in sex or is ready to stop.

5. Ask for permission before moving to another stage of sexual activity. Each stage of sexual activity doesn't necessarily lead to the next stage. Forcing it to the next stage is rape.

6. Respect her desire to stop any sexual activity at any point during your interaction. "No" really does mean "no," unless you've set up specific rules for a sexual game in which "no" has a different meaning. If you do engage in sexual power play games, always have a safe word that immediately ends the game.

7. Talk to the important person in your life about date rape to better understand the issue and to better know how to avoid any behavior that might be interpreted as rape by your partner.

Tips & Warnings

• Even if you've had sex with your partner before, or if you know each other well, you can't assume that she wants to engage in sex. Even in a long-term sexual relationship, forcing any kind of sexual behavior on your partner is rape.
• Having sex with someone whose judgment is impaired by alcohol or drugs can be considered rape—even if you didn't know that she was under the influence.