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Step 1
Keep them out by never inviting a vampire into your home. Once a vampire has been invited into a home, it renders any and all protection powerless and gives the creature license to return. If the person turns out not to be a vampire, you can always apologize. Undoing a home invitation to a vampire is virtually impossible.
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Step 2
Hang cloves of garlic around all home entryways. Outside pets can be rubbed with garlic to keep them safe as well. As a rule, be generally suspicious of people who show an unnatural aversion to garlic.
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Step 3
Place crucifixes throughout the home. Each bedroom door should be adorned with a crucifix, and all family members should get into the practice of wearing one around the neck.
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Step 4
Scatter seeds generously around your property. Vampires are known to have obsessive-compulsive personalities. When presented with a scattering of seeds, they will be compelled to count each and every one. They will either lose interest in their prey or be forced to retreat with the approach of dawn.
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Step 5
Keep objects made of iron around the home; vampires have an aversion to this metal. Consider wearing an iron nail around your neck, next to the crucifix. If you happen to find a crucifix made of iron, hurray for you.
Comments
greely said
on 3/31/2009 I have little to say about such an article. It is obviously written by an ignorant fool. We are not animals, we do not need to be nocturnal, we do not prey upon anyone, and we as a whole never attack another person for mindless reasons especially a neighbor.
badxmaru said
on 5/2/2008 personally I use a Phalanx CIWS that I ripped off the USS Abraham Lincoln. It fires 3000 rounds of 20mm depleted uranium slugs per minute.
A friend of mine keeps Emeril Legasse posters around in addition to the crosses - the vamps seem to fear the cajun cooking (which always has garlic "oh yeah baby...") and you can almost scare them off with "Bam!"
GlindaLupo said
on 2/8/2008 What if the vampire LIVES in your home?
-Glinda :D