How to Safeguard a Home Against Vampires

If you feel that there might be vampires in your area, you should act fast to protect yourself and your loved ones against these nocturnal predators. Here is how to safeguard a home against vampires.

Difficulty:

Moderate

Instructions

1. Keep them out by never inviting a vampire into your home. Once a vampire has been invited into a home, it renders any and all protection powerless and gives the creature license to return. If the person turns out not to be a vampire, you can always apologize. Undoing a home invitation to a vampire is virtually impossible.

2. Hang cloves of garlic around all home entryways. Outside pets can be rubbed with garlic to keep them safe as well. As a rule, be generally suspicious of people who show an unnatural aversion to garlic.

3. Place crucifixes throughout the home. Each bedroom door should be adorned with a crucifix, and all family members should get into the practice of wearing one around the neck.

4. Scatter seeds generously around your property. Vampires are known to have obsessive-compulsive personalities. When presented with a scattering of seeds, they will be compelled to count each and every one. They will either lose interest in their prey or be forced to retreat with the approach of dawn.

5. Keep objects made of iron around the home; vampires have an aversion to this metal. Consider wearing an iron nail around your neck, next to the crucifix. If you happen to find a crucifix made of iron, hurray for you.

Tips & Warnings

• Consider having a ready stockade of weapons in case the preventative measures fail. Wooden stakes and holy water are thought to be the most highly effective weapons against vampires. When using the stake, aim for the heart.