How to Accept an Apology
You were so angry-and had every right to be. Now the spouse, family member or friend who did you wrong is owning up to the mistake. Putting your anger aside to accept an apology requires maturity, trust and empathy. All of this hard work is worth it, though, if the relationship is worth saving.
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Instructions
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Make sure you really want to reconcile. A husband who's cheated on you for the second time or a best friend who talked about you behind your back-yet again-are people you might not want to let back into your life. Make sure you can take that leap of faith that the person won't make this mistake again, and that you care about them enough to continue a relationship with them.
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Assess the apology itself. Make sure they explain what the apology is for. An apology for being late to dinner when the real crime was sneaking into the neighbor's house for a rendezvous shows the person does not grasp what she did wrong-and is likely to do the same thing. If the apology fits the crime, you can accept it.
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Realize that heartfelt apologies are gifts to you. It's true that the person did something wrong, but admitting it and the guilt and shame that comes along with an apology is a tough thing for most people to do. To apologize is to humble yourself in hopes of winning back someone's trust.
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Forgive the person in your heart first. Saying, "It's OK" and then stewing about what they did wrong for years is destructive and wrong. Instead, think carefully about the person's apology and be sure you trust it won't happen again before committing to forgiveness.
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Tell the person you forgive him and trust the incident will never happen again. Then put it out of your mind completely and focus on the positive aspects of your relationship. Should the person make the same mistake again, you might not want to accept his apology-but until that happens, give him a blank slate.
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Comments
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I was Accused for stealing an I pod and he swore up and down that I stole it and I never did he threatened to beat me up but he called his dad and it was in his dads car I don't know if I could accept his Apology.
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I was Accused for stealing an I pod and he swore up and down that I stole it and I never did here threatened to beat me up but he called his dad and it was in his dads car I don't know if I could accept his Apology.
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JunkYardSaint
Apr 02, 2008
"if the relationship is worth saving"? It seems to me that anyone who DOESN'T accept an apology is doing themselves a great disservice, no matter what they feel about "the relationship" - When you accept an apology and forgive someone, you are letting go of the anger and resentment tied up in that offense. I agree with everything you've posted, but find slight disagreement with what sounds like an "out" you've left for some, those who might feel the person is a 'worthless' person or that, as you put it, the "relationship is not worth saving" Another point is that you say if you "care about them enough to continue a relationship with them" I'd like to point out that there are quite often many relationships that will "continue" regardless of how we feel; these are family relationships, work relationships, inlaws, members of organizations one might belong to such as Church, sports teams.. -
JunkYardSaint
Apr 02, 2008
"if the relationship is worth saving"? It seems to me that anyone who DOESN'T accept an apology is doing themselves a great disservice, no matter what they feel about "the relationship" - When you accept an apology and forgive someone, you are letting go of the anger and resentment tied up in that offense. I agree with everything you've posted, but find slight disagreement with what sounds like an "out" you've left for some, those who might feel the person is a 'worthless' person or that, as you put it, the "relationship is not worth saving" Another point is that you say if you "care about them enough to continue a relationship with them" I'd like to point out that there are quite often many relationships that will "continue" regardless of how we feel; these are family relationships, work relationships, inlaws, members of organizations one might belong to such as Church, sports teams..
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JunkYardSaint
Apr 02, 2008
"if the relationship is worth saving"? It seems to me that anyone who DOESN'T accept an apology is doing themselves a great disservice, no matter what they feel about "the relationship" - When you accept an apology and forgive someone, you are letting go of the anger and resentment tied up in that offense. I agree with everything you've posted, but find slight disagreement with what sounds like an "out" you've left for some, those who might feel the person is a 'worthless' person or that, as you put it, the "relationship is not worth saving" Another point is that you say if you "care about them enough to continue a relationship with them" I'd like to point out that there are quite often many relationships that will "continue" regardless of how we feel; these are family relationships, work relationships, inlaws, members of organizations one might belong to such as Church, sports teams..
